Fragile Desires (18+)

Eighty-One | Speaking Of Insane

Healing feels like a broken record.

One moment, I crave an escape from the constant loop of memories.

The next, the silence is deafening, amplifying her absence.

It's like losing a limb, then forgetting its function.

A whole year, and I have yet to shed the function of the missing limb.

Every morning starts with a desperate wish: five minutes without her replaying in my head.

But she's like a stubborn melody stuck in my head, playing on repeat.

Yet, the irony is...

The thought of a silent track in my head scares me too.

Maybe it would be a hollow emptiness, a different kind of ache compared to the heartache she left me with.

Which leaves me stuck in this emotional tug-of-war.

Do I chase a future with her ghost haunting the corners, or hold onto these memories that cut like a knife?

Maybe...

Just maybe, there's a third option.

Maybe it's not about forgetting the old music, the rhythm, and the beat of her—

But instead, learning to listen to a new kind of music.

- Azzy

♛Chapter Eighty-One: Speaking Of Insane♛

Haylen's apartment was only a few blocks away, and towering over the busy city.

Inside it was quiet—and extremely clean.

But more of a lived-in clean.

Like the unfolded throw blanket on her sectional couch—or the opened bottle of water sitting on the marble kitchen island.

"Do you want anything?" Haylen instinctively asked me as she slid her arms around my waist.

I shook my head, "Not right now," I murmured, dragging my hands up her toned stomach, "I'll probably need water later though," I said, smiling slightly when Haylen managed to chuckle.

"You're so cute, Azura," Haylen said, gently pressing me against the nearest wall.

I hummed, feeling my face burn from her compliment, "Thank you," I whispered, noticing her subtly leaning into me.

And I didn't hesitate to meet her halfway, pressing my lips to hers for a kiss.

Which was certainly different from what I was used to.

Or who I was used to.

Haylen's lips felt so different compared to hers.

There wasn't this tingling spark from our lips connected—which suddenly made me realize that the experience could only be limited to Renata.