The Heart Wants What It Wants

♡ FORTY ♡

❝ ɢᴜɪʟᴛ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ʙᴜʀᴅᴇɴ; ᴀ ᴡᴇɪɢʜᴛ. ɢᴜɪʟᴛ
ɪs ᴀ ᴘᴜɴɪsʜᴍᴇɴᴛ; ᴀ ᴊᴀɪʟ. ɢᴜɪʟᴛ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ
ᴄʜᴀɪɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛɪɢʜᴛᴇɴs ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ
ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀʟᴋ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ❞

~~~

🇬 🇦 🇧 🇷 🇮 🇪 🇱 🇱 🇦 :

The cycle of life is supposed to be simple.

You're born.
You live.
You die.

Sometimes, we get lost along the way by life's cruel desires to twist our moral compass and turn our world upside down.

And, oftentimes, we let it.

If there's one thing I've learnt over the past two decades I've lived, it's that when the world sees even a flash of light, it uses everything in its power to dissolve that pureness into nothingness.

We get distracted by the cruelness this world provides because the human mind is defective to a fault. We see something dark and twisted, and we're immediately flooded with intrigue. But that's the thing about curiosity, intrigue, fascination. It leads to eventual damnation.

And somewhere in my life, I'd found myself fascinated with the darkness that threatened to drown me in its depths. I'd fallen victim to how the murmurs of the abyss pulled me in. I'd fallen to my knees and succumbed to it, letting the darkness take hold. Tightening its grimy hands on my throat and dangling my sanity before my very eyes.

But, you see, that's where damnation comes in. It struts into your life like some magical fucking pony and pulls you to the very depths of hell. Except, you're still very much alive. And the hell I speak of? It's all in your head.

♡♡♡

Just when I thought I'd found solace in his arms, life, or perhaps the universe, decides to bring all those horrible memories back.

I'd finally felt happy. And now all I feel is terrible, suffocating guilt.

I killed her.

I killed the woman that my mother loved dearly. I killed my boyfriend's mother. I killed my sister's mother.

I killed an innocent woman and thought I could live a peaceful life.

I killed Aurora Taylors and thought I could live with that guilt. I was so, so wrong.