The Heart Wants What It Wants

♡ CHAPTER ELEVEN ♡

❝ ɢᴜɪʟᴛ ɪs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴘᴏɪsᴏɴ, ɪᴛ
ᴇᴀᴛs ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜʟ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴsɪᴅᴇ ❞

~~~

🇬 🇦 🇧 🇷 🇮 🇪 🇱 🇱 🇦 :

"You can stay as long as you'd like. I'm sure no one would mind." We pull up to the front porch. The windows are rolled down, making the smell of freshly planted soil and gardenias waft in. Nausea rises up my throat.

I can't do this. Not right now.

The engine dies, and I hear him get out and close the door behind him. I hear the trunk pop and the sound of things being moved around.

I'm unable to move.

I'm unable to breathe.

I can't do this. Not right now.

I try my best to suck in as much oxygen as possible. In ragged, shallow breaths. A heaviness settles on my chest, and unease crawls into the very marrow of my bones.

I can't do this. I can't- I can't-

"Hey. Hey. It's okay," I feel his fingers grasp my shoulder gently. He rubs in tight circles. "Everything is okay. You're okay." His fingers grab my chin and tilts it until my eyes are focused on him. His blurry beauty.

"Tell me three things you're able to see." His hand drops from my face, and grabs hold of my other shoulder, rubbing in larger circles. My mouth begins to dry as my breaths become more rapid.

"I- I can't-" I try blinking, but the blurriness doesn't dissipate.

"You can, I know you can. Just look around and pick out three things."

"No, Hunter. I can't see."

"Okay," he says, as he starts massaging my shoulders. "Then tell me three things you're able to hear."

I close my eyes because it's useless keeping them open if I'm unable to use them, and I hold my breath for a second to let my hearing focus on our surroundings.

In the darkness my closed eyes cause, I picture the trees that surround the mansion. I hear the birds chatter amongst themselves, moving from branch to branch. Their wings fluttering in the breeze. Then, my blinded vision moves to the leaves that rustle along the paved pathway. Lastly, I hear my heart, beating a rhythmic motion to steady its pace.

I swallow and breathe a gentle breath that whips away with the breeze. "The birds in the trees. Leaves on the ground. And my heartbeat slowing down." My eyes flutter open, and Hunter stands before me, in all his pretty boy glory. A soft smile on his lips.

"Good," he says, in a gentle whisper that caresses my flushed cheeks. "Now, try moving at least three body parts for me."

My eyes close, and I draw a breath in through my mouth. Rotating my neck from side to side, I feel the muscles strain, and I continue doing it until I hear a little crack. I feel my fingers move next, as I scrunch them into two tight fists, only to release it seconds later. And while I'm at it, I twist in the seat to crack my back. A smile pulls at my lips when I hear a satisfying crack.

My eyes open and shift back to Hunter, who stands with his hands in his pockets as he watches me intently.

"Ready to go inside?" I nod, and he steps out of the way to let me out.

Only a few days of this, or until I figure something out. This property gives me a weird feeling, and I don't think I'll be able to live here forever.

♡♡♡

I killed her.

I killed his mother.

And I don't think I can look at his face knowing that.

I'd taken her life years ago thinking about one thing and one thing alone. Freedom.

I knew she had children. I knew. And all I could think about was how to get away from that psychopath. Killing her was the only option. I had no choice.

I had no choice.

And yet I can't stop hating myself for it.

The gardenias. Those fucking gardenias. I should've realised sooner. This property is infested with them. In memory of her.

A sob wrackes my body as flashes of that night haunt my mind. Of how I was forced to watch the light drain from her eyes.

I can't do this.

I can't do this, not right now.

The only thought that stays in my mind as I cry myself to sleep is how Kaz would've made everything better somehow.