lost in neverland // Robbie Kay

believe what you want ◎ Part 13

why? why would all these feelings come to surface now? months after being in neverland? I'm so fucked up over him. why? it was just a kiss. I'm worthless. he even said it himself.

"fuck."

I murmured to myself as I lay in my hut under several blankets struggling to stay warm. neverland has been awfully cold lately. I let out a sigh as I crawl out from underneath the blankets and shove my boots on. I open the creaky little door slowly, afraid of waking Pan. I stumble down a path I had found earlier in the week, and when you know where you're going, leads to a huge rock, that lay directly under the stars. coming close to where the rock is, I notice a figure laying on it. not sure who it is, I walk as quietly as possible up to the figure trying to decipher who it may be. less than 10 feet away I notice, a cloak. Felix. I walk up less worried of who it may be. I take a seat next to him and whisper,

"you too?"

"yeah..I've got it bad."

not sure what he means by it I just nod.

"I hate you, ya know."

"why? what the hell did I ever do to you Felix?"

"you took Pan from us. that's why he's so absent. we see the way he looks at you. he can't concentrate on anything other than you. who the hell do you think you are taking our leader from us? taking my best friend from me?"

"listen Felix, no offense but I hate Pan. we don't get along. even a little. he even told me I was worthless. I guarantee, I'm not what he's thinking about. I'm a nobody."

I let out a sigh and look to the sky. it's so beautiful. what I would do to even be 1/100 beautiful as this.

"I have a thing for Alissa."

"you think I don't know? she's my best friend, and my baby sister,"

he lets out a small chuckle.

"...she has a thing for you too. in case you didn't already know."

"really? how do you know?"

Felix sits up and looks at me with hopeful eyes.

"she admitted it in the echo caves. go for it dude."

I punch him lightly in the arm and crawl off the rock. I start walking back to camp when he shouts to me,

"I don't really hate you, ya know. you're pretty alright."

I flash him a smile and head back to camp with his words buzzing through my head. upon entering camp, Pan is descending from his hut in the trees. I panic and hide behind a tree. he walks in the direction of his thinking tree. I had searched for it earlier in the week in case of a situation like so. I creep behind trees and bushes all the way down the path, keeping my distance from Pan. when he reaches the tree, he begins to think out loud.

"why can't I get this out of my head?"

"I'm a monster."

"my emotions should be with my shadow."

he was getting angry at himself and began to hit the tree in front of him. poor tree.

"what the hell did that tree ever do to you Pan?"

he jumped slightly at my sudden voice.

"whoops, did I scare you Pan?"

"what the hell are you doing up? and why are you here?!"

he stated in a type whisper-yell.

"I'm confused is all. not that you care."

I wanted to know why I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. it was nothing. to either of us. he stepped in front of me.

"about?"

"the kiss."

"what about it Stephanie"

"why did you kiss me if you hate me so much?"

"to prove to you I'm no coward. you assumed I had feelings for you. so I kissed you to prove that it and you mean nothing to me."

"really now Pan? why don't I believe that?"

he shrugs at me.

"believe what you want."

"alright I will, I believe, that you want me to do this as much as I think you do."

and with that my lips crashed into his. it was something I knew I wanted to happen but would never dare admit out loud. his lips moved in sync with mine. the hate we had for each other fueled the kiss with fire. we truly did hate each other. but there was something else there. something neither of us could decipher. I release the kiss and look at his eyes, shimmering emerald. I lean to the side and let the side of my lip brush his cheek as I let out a hushed whisper next to his ear,

"there's no way in hell you can lie to my face and say I mean nothing to you after that."

leaving him with nothing left to say to me, I make my way back to my hut. right as I open my door I hear a small cough and turn around to see Pan with something in his arms. he walks up to me and hands me what seems to be...clothes?

"it's cold in neverland lately. you'll need these to keep from at least getting frostbite."

I glance at the clothes he just handed me, and it seems to be, long pants, a long sleeve shirt, a jacket, and some sweatpants.

"thank you Pan..really."

he nods at me softly.

"goodnight princess, don't dream of me to much."

he winks at me and smirks. I can't help but roll my eyes.

"I think we both know it's you, who will be dreaming of me."

suddenly his smirk fades and he has a more stern look on his face, I think I struck some truth here. he climbs up his ladder and enters his hut. I quickly change into some warmer clothes and climb in my bed. could I really have feelings for a demon like Pan? not likely. could I start to slowly develop them? possibly. and that scares me. I can't like, and god forbid love a demon such as him. he's cold, heartless and cruel. but maybe I could change him? no, never. not possible. he's Pan. I need to get him out of my head, kissing him tonight was a mistake.

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HEYOOOOO. props to me for the cover art for this chapter yeeeesssss ? ahaha I took that while in neverland aka camping. ACTUALLY. I was actually sitting on like the huge rock in the story and watching the stars trying to get inspiration for this chapter and so I ended up taking a picture of the stars for you guys so you guys could see what Steph and Felix saw. <3 OH AND SOMETHING FUNNY REAL QUICK, I was sitting on the rock and this guy walked by with his flashlight (nearly blinded me and made me fall) but when he got down the road I heard him fart real loud and I busted up laughing and fell off. WHOOPS. much love to you all though <3

Steph