Admiral ✓ (Completed, Review In Progress)

Chapter 60

Steve -

I tried to call her, but the guilt was overwhelming, Matthew Hethrington is not a name I've ever heard of before, but she deserved to know the truth. It was really selfish of me to take away someone away from her so that I can be with her. I couldn't even call her because of this. Even though I was busy with rehersals and photoshoots, the flyers were out, so many things were going on, but my mind was stuck about Leah. I was worried about her. I could've not sent her the letters, but she needs to know the truth, she needs to know my flaws too. If she really loves me she'd accept me, if not I'm ready to accept whatever she chooses. I respect her choices more than anything.
I looked at my diamond ring. She does know my taste very well.
"Sir it's time for your flight".
I took my backpack and walked out of my apartment. Yes I'm going to Orlando today, I want to see her and talk about this face to face. I cannot keep up with the silence because I love her and I feel that she'll be needing me the most at this point.
I got in the car, while buildings passed by, I recall the letter. I can't imagine how much Matthew underwent while writing it. I can't take him as a competition, I can only see him as a brother. Even if he's somewhere out there and Leah chooses to be with him, I'm ready to accept that. They say ones life span is jut 60 years and I'm almost half way through it, it's either 33 years of happiness or 33 years of pain. Either way it's just 33 more years. I want her to be the happiest and get the best in the world, even if that means I give up on her.

I wonder what we're the places in that map he marked. I didn't take the effort to to through them. I believe those memories are Leah's to keep and cherish. I am sure she would've undergone pain while reading through those pages because she has so much empathy towards others.

I remembered one time, when my voice broke during my concert, the music and my voice didn't end up syncing for one whole song straight. I got a lot of hate and criticism for it. I sat down frozen, looking at the ceiling. That's when someone rung my door bell.
"I got snacks" She said walking inside and kissed my forehead. I'm so sorry baby, she said cupping my face and crying, "I don't know what your undergoing right now, but I love you okay, ? don't mind the hate, I know you can pull out the best performances in your upcoming days". She sat on her piano, which I brought for her in my house and played music for a while, it was heartwarming. It eased my mind. Even though the media was on fire against me, she brought in peace like never before. I've never met a person as understanding as her before.

I get down at the airport, checked in and boarded the flight. I took my seat near the window and started listening to songs. That's when night changes started playing. I remember singing that with Leah when we were young. Nostalgia indeed. The view from the window was stunning, the clouds decorated the sky like floating cotton candy. It served as a way to ease my anxiety. Leah always used to say. If your ever afraid look at the clouds in the sky and take deep breaths, if you focus on them your anxiety will be good as gone. She wasn't wrong. We had moments in NYC where we used to go to the outskirts just to watch the clouds move. We were lying down on green grass pointing out at weird shapes the clouds made and laughing at each other.

I wonder how life will be without her now that she's become an important part of mine. I cannot imagine it. A life without her is probably my biggest nightmare at this point. I still signed up for it , I'd rather let go of her, than to live with her holding guilt in my heart. Guilt of giving her a choice.

"Love is a choice" She told me. If I hadn't given her a choice it'd be selfish of me. I love her too much to force her to be with me. I love her too much that I'm ready to take up the pain that comes with it.

After checking out, I called my driver to drive me to my house. My mom and dad hugged me and asked me about my unexpected visit. I told that I had some work to do.

I walked to Leah's house. Mr. Lopez greeted me. "Young man, how unexpected, how are you?, come in," He said patting my back.
"Thank you so much Mr. Lopez" I smiled. He usually calls me "my future sun in law" , I think it's probably because Leah has told him everything and probably her choice too. It made me nervous. What are the odds that matthew is still alive and he'll choose her ?.
"Can I have a word with Leah? " I ask him nervously.
"Oh well, she's not here it's going to take a while for her to come back, want to have lunch here perhaps ?".

" Oh thank you very much, but this is something urgent , I really want to check up on her, do you know where can I find her"

"I think she told me that she's going to some cemetery".

I remember the cemetery location attached to the last page of the letters, and I know exactly where it is. I said " Very well then I'll go pay her a visit, thank you Mr. Lopez".
"Your welcome young boy, but dont be disappointed if she tells you something which could hurt you, your young, handsome and you have a very good career, you can get whoever you want okay? "
I nodd as I got in the car, Mr. Lopez's eyes went dull after that. I waved him bye. Get whoever I want? , no I don't want anyone but Leah. If I get her I'll live with her forever, if I don't I'll live alone forever. She's my first and my last.