Admiral ✓ (Completed, Review In Progress)

Chapter 41

(Letter cont;)
Okay so during the start of the highschool I started liking Gabriel. Charmed by his happiness , I've always been happy around him , he has a good sense of humour. He has the social life I never had , he's better than me when it comes to guitar. There are a lot of things I can say but you know he's kind of cute too (^.^). I was jelous of him to be honest.

But we did get along , it's weird how you can get jealous of the very same people who are close to you. So back to the story , we started talking during lockdown and I confessed to him that I have a crush on him. But he liked Alicia , he's not in contact with her but , he knows her from childhood and we know that Alicia is so kind and cute. I couldn't digest the fact and I was being so delusional just because Gab spends most of his time with me so I thought he liked me back too. Then I slowly started telling him all my problems and sometimes when he doesn't give me importance I used to guilt trip him . From his side , he started ignoring me and avoiding me. Ghosting me for several days. I didn't understand why.

Let's say the reason why I was holding on to him was because I really believed he liked me Leah because I used to use his name to reject the guys who liked me and he was chill with it. But then he reminds me in between that he still likes Alicia and he's still in love with her. I confused myself , to be honest. When I rejected one of the guys from my game friends on discord , I was being rude. Gab was like be kind to people around you don't tell them any harsh words and explain to them.

But towards the end ,I couldn't take the fact that I was so emotionally attached to Gab but he liked Alicia. I told him I couldn't take it anymore and told Gab to block me everywhere. He hesitated at first but then he did what I said and told me I can call him whenever I wanted to. I do feel like a girl who drained out his social battery that moment.

The next day , the very next day I sent him a 100 messages apologizing for everything. He didnt respond. He blocked my call. He finally said we are strangers and I have nothing to do with you. I remember he told me to be kind and where's kindness in this?. After that one day I came to church after lockdown. I saw em and Jose and waved at them , they saw me and they walked away like they never knew me. I don't know if I'll be able to make new friends there , and I don't want to because I'm still connected to em, Jose and Gab. That's why I said something like that. Especially when I look at Gab , I feel so bitter , like metal in my mouth . It's like being strangers with a person you were once to close with.

Coming to church hurts me. And making friends at the same time, I couldn't explain this to you , I'm sorry I'm bad at communication sometimes but I hope you understand. I can't leave my old friends behind and hang around with new ones just like that.

If you're religious , yes I get it so be it , I believe that religion is nothing more than a tool to teach morals , kindness and love. I get none of that when I come to church so what's the point ?.

And I feel lonely , so lonely when you go to school when you aren't around. I feel sealed within these four walls and my work place is stressful , I'm being messy because sometimes my hands shudder out of anxiety. And they said they will cut down my daily wages if I continue to create a mess. I'm already not earning as much from all the work I do.

I feel like nothing can be done. I feel like I'm useless and a burden to everyone around me.

This is probably my last words or... We can talk I guess by the Bridge if you find me alive.

Yours ,
Elissa.

Am I dreaming , no for real , am I ?. If all of this is real I have no time at all. I quickly wear my joggers. I have to sneak out somehow. I don't even have time to explain to my mother. My hands grew cold my heart started beating on the realization that this could probably be a suicide note and I have to stop her. God I hope that I'm not late , I really hope. Adrenaline is rushing down my veins as I slip on my joggers. I slowly walk down without making any creeks. I usually have fear of darkness. Its pitch dark I can't even use flashlight. I hold the reiling. There's glass on both the sides of the door illuminating it , looking blue making sure that the door Is locatable inspite of the darkness. I grab the keys and open the door. It gave out a creek and a flash of light disturbed me. My moms nighlamp is on.
"Elizabeth are you awake ?" it's mom. I push the door open and slam it down loudly and made a run for it. I ran up the street without looking back amazed by what adrenaline can do. I made it to to the edge of the street as I heard my phone ring. If I don't attend moms call I could be in trouble , she would probably call the police. I'll just drop her a message.

To mom,
Me : Mom I'm going for a jog , I'll be back as soon as possible.

Mom : You've gone with Elissa ? What if she does something to you

Me: mom I'll be back home don't worry .

I didnt respond to her after that and I bolted to the bridge its almost one kilometer from here. I got tired in between so I walked in between. I could taste my own worry and anxiety. I felt like crying , but there was still hope that she's still there. That she's alive that we will be happy again, united again. I will help her sort things out with Gab , em and Jose.
We will be happy again I won't care about steve or James anymore. Ill make her my priority. She's like my family , like my sister. She never told me anything she never communicated. Why does it have to be like this ? When she finally opens up. I reach the bridge and I knelt down due to exhaustion.