Admiral ✓ (Completed, Review In Progress)

Chapter 8

"But I made all that for you guys" she says in a sad tone. "Since you don't feel like eating we don't feel like eating" I rudely slammed the speghitti on the sofa making sure nothing spills out at the same time. I stress out the word 'feel like' time to time because I always was taught that feelings are deception. If you go by how you feel you will end up in a void. Like you'd eventually loose your purpose of life but only go by how you feel.

Sometimes it becomes really hard to control emotions and feelings that you don't want to do whats primary for that day and skip every task. But we also have to remember that human beings cannot be perfect but it doesn't mean that they cannot even try to reach that level. Every second is valuable and those who value that can achieve bigger tasks.

My mother quickly grabbed our plates and jogged after us. "Okay I'll eat , don't starve yourselves for me". I politely took the plate as my eyes filled with tears and a frew drops slipped out of my eyes. "I can't see you like this ma" I whisper and I took a deep breadth. I quickly wiped my tears before they could spill out and look obvious. I kissed her forehead and Elissa grabbed her hand. Giving her assurance that everything will be alright. All of us cuddled up on the sofa. We had a movie night. My mom's eyes were longing for the love they shared in the movie. I know she never had that bond with dad before but she loved him so deeply that it amazes me. Her capacity to love is so much. She was aging and wrinkles showed up at her face. But inspite of that she looked beautiful I could only admire. By the movie ended it was around 1am in the morning. My eyes were drowsy and even Elissa yawned. My mom looked sleepy too. So we jogged back into our room.

We both laid down beside echother and she whispered. "Hey , Leah have you ever had feelings for a girl before ?" . I started feeling uncomfortable. "no I'd never". I say trying to hide the discomfort but Elissa saw through it. "I wasn't trying to make you feel awkward , I'm Still trying to figure out what I'm trying to identify as". She looked confused."Its okay you will figure out soon" I say as I hold her arm. "Hei Elissa would you like to come to the church with me this weekend" I request her. "Sure I'd love to" she agreed. I was surprised she agreed. Usually she makes up some excuse on the other. I smiled and wrapped my Hand around her and fell asleep.

Next morning we took the school bus together. I ran to my locker to check out if there was a letter. and to my surprise there wasn't any. This made me doubt if it could really be Elissa. Everything is pointing out to her. But it's going to twist our friendship if I had the nerve to ask. I realized that my mother didnt notice my nose piercing. Well thats fine because she had so much running in her mind that I wonder if shed be able to see all the details. I  to history class as the bell rang. During the break I checked my locker for any other message . I got one .

Dear Leah,
     You're nose piercing looks really good on you, you look extra beautiful with that, your already so beautiful that I can never take my eyes off you , now I wonder if that's going to be my permanent disease.

  Yours,
  Anonymous

I couldn't help but worry. This time I decided to leave a letter in return .

Dear anonymous,
   Stop sending me letters if you are a girl, I'm straight and I can never catch feelings for you , and if you don't look attractive, I'm just a teen so I dont think I'll fall for you. Attraction is primary , personality is secondary .

Yours,
Leah

I didn't want to stop getting the letters at the same time. To be honest my heart longs for it to be James. Have you ever felt like you found your soulmate?. James is like that to me. I feel like our opposite nature would sync well if we were together. I always admire a persons intelligence. Sometimes I dream about holding his hand and walking down my favorite place. But that dream feels impossible to reach. I watch him cross by. My mind is echoing to go and introduce myself to him . I push through the crowd to finally say hi but I am inturrupted by someone else insted. It was Steve. "Leah , next is music class " he sounds excited. But I walked past him. He held my hand and pulled me. My back hit his chest. "Leah! Get ready" he told me. All the girls were looking at me with jealousy. They think that I'm trying to steal their handsome Steve but seriously we don't have feelings for eachother. Girls don't understand and sometimes they isolate me because he's my friend, initially they all spoke to me to talk to him. But he never paid attention to any of them so they stopped talking to me. In fact he'd cling to me if they try to talk and sometimes act like were dating and his excuse for that is : "seriously no matter what these girls do , there going to try so hard, so if I pretend to like someone else at least they can drain their hopes" he tells me his standards are so high that no woman could possibly match that. I would roll my eyes and hoping that James wouldn't say the same thing or do the same thing to me.

My face grew sad as soon as I saw the opportunity to talk to James slip from my view. I tried controlling my temper but I couldn't. "Can you stop! I'm skipping music classes today , you guys do whatever you want, infact I'm dropping music lessons"I walk past Steve. He follows me "Leah I know things are not going on well for you, I'm there to help you.." He tells me. "Help me with what ?" I yell. "I know... What happened yesterday, Elissa told me". Tears roll out of my eyes. Steve hugged me. Usually I push him away giving him no chances. This time I really felt the need to be loved. I really wanted to be held. I expected that from James , if not now , at least in the future. But Steve and Elissa is all I have , and I know they will be there with me forever. I hugged Steve back tightly as he brushed my hair. "Its okay Leah, I'm there for you" he told me. His voice was calming all my pain. "Thanks" I tell him and smile.