Early Birds

Frustration

Photo: Barbara Pixabay

Cassie and Simon had a pretty uneventful drive back home, stopping off for a quick leg stretch and some food, when they topped up on gas. Simon, thankfully, managed to doze off for most of the journey, leaving Cassie to reflect back over the rollercoaster of last five/six weeks.

Driving down the small forest track and seeing the little cabin appear, lit up by her truck headlights, Cassie felt a huge wave of relief run through her body. Cassie was under no illusion that Simon's recovery would be simple or straightforward, but she quietly rejoiced in the fact that he was finally home with her.

Cassie gently woke Simon to let him know they were home, before jumping out of the truck and fetching his crutches. Simon was extremely stiff and was in pain from his long period sitting in the truck, so had to take his time stretching, before he could start maneouvering himself out of the truck.

Once inside the cabin, she helped him to the bathroom, so he could freshen up, while she got their bags and the wheelchair from the truck. Finally the cabin door, closed and locked, Cassie breathed out a long sigh of relief and felt the exhaustion weighing on her body and mind.

The priority was getting Simon settled on the sofa, with cushions and blankets, so he could get comfortable and stretch his legs properly. Cassie set to work putting the kettle on the stove to boil and topping up the wood burner and lighting it. 

Ticking off the tasks, Cassie cleared the ruined food and milk from the fridge, from her long absence, and made them both a hot drink. She prepared them both a snack so Simon could have his painkillers, before settling next to him on the sofa. They sat in silence, eating their snacks and drinking, before heading to bed, exhausted.

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Over the next couple of weeks, Cassie encouraged Simon to get back into a routine where he could have lots of good healthy food, regular trips outside for fresh air and lots of rest for his healing body. 

For the most part, Simon was quite quiet, still managing his pain levels and the mental remnants of his trauma. Cassie was careful not to push him too much and allowed him space when possible.

Cassie was gradually becoming more concerned that he was too quiet and that his mood was deteriorating. He often showed little interest in his surroundings sitting in his wheelchair in the garden, while Cassie pottered and picked fruit.

He was having nightmares every other night, disrupting both of their sleep and as a result, he was becoming more agitated with even the most simple tasks. She tried to get him to engage in helping her cook and can the fruit for storage, but after a while he'd move back to the sofa to lie down.

Cassie was determined to keep trying, involving him in everything she was doing, especially the tasks that he had previously enjoyed doing with her. She understood that for Simon, his movement being restricted by his leg brace, was a major source of frustration. 

Cassie understood that having to use crutches and a wheelchair and rely on her for his personal care was probably hard for him to accept, even though it was from a place of love. 

Simon was a strong, hightly capable man, used to being active and eager to do a multitude of tasks around the cabin, but now he would only sit and watch as she completed the necessary work to maintain her cabin.

Finding small jobs for him to do whilst sitting at the table, started to become a fruitless exercise, with him appearing to struggle with his focus, co-ordination and patience, before eventually giving up with a huff. Cassie would encourage him to keep going and reassuring him that he was doing great, but she could tell he wasn't convinced.

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One evening, Cassie had suggested that he take a look at the old radio that she had for emergency weather reports, explaining that there was a problem with the volume button. She rarely used it, but liked to keep it maintained in case of a major power outage. 

She knew that Simon loved to tinker, so she placed the radio and some tools in front of him and was pleased when he immediately started to fiddle about with it.

Satisfied, she went to start making dinner, humming lightly to herself as she worked. Behind, her, came a few expletives, so she checked with Simon what the problem was. He appeared to be having problems with the smaller screwdrivers, trying and failing to reach the screws holding the volume button inside.

'Do you need me to get you the gripper tool, Simon?' she asked wanting to assist.

'I don't need a bloody gripper' he barked out in a frustrated response.

'Okay, I thought it might help' Cassie said raising her hands in surrender and turning back to her cooking.

'I don't need any bloody help' Simon murmured, behind her, still struggling with the tools.

Cassie took a couple of deep breaths, telling herself not to get upset. He was still healing and was trying his best considering his injured arm and lack of co-ordination from his head injury, not to mention the effect of the strong painkillers.

'Stupid fucking thing' Simon suddenly yelled, throwing the screwdriver across the table.

Cassie walked to the table, wanting to reassure and calm his mood 'It's okay Simon, it's not an urgent job. Why don't you try again tomorrow' she suggested in a gentle voice.

Simon growled 'Don't treat me like I'm a fucking 5 year old'

'I wasn't. I'm just saying you can leave it for now since you're getting frustrated' she said trying to remain calm.

'Frustrated? You think? Of course I'm fucking frustrated, I can't do shit', he yelled out.

'Simon, please don't yell at me. I know things are hard right now, but it'll get better. It will just take time' Cassie said trying hard to be the voice of reason.

'Bullshit! How the fuck do you know how things are gonna be? You don't know shit' he shouted throwing the radio set at the wall.

Cassie jumped at the force of his voice and the sound of the radio breaking against the wall. Her breath caught behind the lump in her throat and she could feel the tears start to fall. 

Taking a few deep breaths and not knowing how to respond, she turned and headed outside to the porch, slamming the door behind her.