Fall Into Me (Into Me Series Book Three)

Chapter Thirty Nine - Parallel

Jet's POV

It's been a month since you died.

Everyone keeps telling me that the grief will grow smaller over time, but I don't think that's the truth. I used to tell patients that grief is like a big ball in a box. Inside that box is a button. Every time the button is pressed, it hurts. Whether it's a memory, stumbling on one of their possessions, or smelling something that reminds you of them, the button is pressed and the grief consumes you. Everyone tells you that the ball will grow smaller and smaller over time, as well as the button.

But that's not true.

The ball and button don't get smaller, the box just grows bigger around them. And so, when the ball bounces around inside of it, it's less likely to hit the button. However, it still hurts just the same when it's pressed. It still pulls the floor out from underneath you. It still wrings the breath from your chest. It still punches you in the fucking face and laughs while you bleed and beg for mercy.

Today, my box is small and the ball won't stop hitting the button.

Jackson and I are both working from home today. We sit at our desks in our home office, headphones in, fingers flying across our keyboards. He keeps hovering, keeping a close eye on me. I know he's worried. I was getting better, and then I woke up this morning and it was like I was back at square one. And so, Jackson decided he was going to stay home with me.

Closing the lid of my MacBook, I rub my tired eyes and sink back into my chair. Bring Me the Horizon plays over my headphones softly, specifically the song "Oh No". I take a few seconds to breathe and relax my muscles, specifically, my shoulders and neck, where I habitually hold all of my stress (a bad habit I picked up in nursing school). After forcing myself to sit back up and open my eyes, I grab my pen and flip to a clean page of my notebook. I rustle around in my work bag for the case file I need to review.

My hands freeze in place when I come across a sealed, white envelope with United's logo on it. My stomach twists as butterflies erupt, a whole ass pack of them apparently because the fluttering is intense as hell. I completely forgot about these. It's the results from my blood test on our little one's sex. Dr. Ling-Lee had given them to me at my last appointment. I shoved them in here and just honestly forgot about them. I glance over my shoulder at Jackson, who has his head in his hands, his shoulders tense. I watch him carefully for a few moments, my brows knitting in concern. He keeps his head in his hands, muttering under his breath as he grips his hair so hard that his knuckles turn white. I tuck the envelope to the side, take off my headphones, and push myself up onto my feet, walking over toward him.

"Eros, you okay?" I ask him gently, my hand landing in the center of his back.
He jumps just slightly, his head whipping toward me. When his eyes find mine, they soften. A smile pulls at the corners of his mouth as he pulls out his headphones. "Hello, my love." He grabs my hips, pulling me toward him. Jackson lifts my t-shirt up and presses a kiss to my swollen belly. "How're my girls?"
"We're fine, just concerned about you," I answer, resting my hand on my bump. That's become one of my favorite things to do. The envelope on my desk stares me down across the room.
"Nah, don't worry about me, princess. I'm just frustrated by the stupidity of the world," Jackson says, waving my concern off.
"Ah, we have that in common," I smile, running my other hand through his hair.

Jackson snorts, rolling his eyes at me. He grabs my wrist, bringing the back of my hand to his mouth. He presses a kiss to my knuckles, then my wrist, then my forearm. Before I know it, he has me pulled into his lap. I adjust my legs so that they rest on either side of him. My hand falls onto his cheek. He responds by leaning his weight into it, his eyes closing as he hums happily. I shift my hips and lean forward to press my lips to his, just a quick, little peck.