Youthful Discretion (wlw)

Chapter 21

The doors of the elevator open to the lobby floor of our hotel. I couldn't bare to see the look on Scarlett's face after what I just did to the both of us.

Why didn't she stop me before?

None of this was making any sense. She told me to stay away, she told me to be professional, but tonight I was anything but that, and she didn't stop me.

Around me stood a few wobbly men and women after a few rounds of drinks from the hotel bar. I wasn't near the age to drink but right now I wish I was.

I'm not sure where to go, or even what I can do. My first thought was to call Cullen, confess what I had done and tell him I was sorry for everything, but I realized he would never forgive me for my actions, so my second idea was even more stupid.

From my coat, I pull my phone out of my pocket quickly hitting Theo's new contact as I hold the ringing phone up to my ear.

After three rings he answers excitedly.

"Hello?"

I check behind me back to the elevator, making sure Scarlett wasn't following me.

"Theo, I made a huge mistake." My voice crying out softly.

"Are you alright Lilith? Wait where are you?"

Scanning around me I wasn't even sure what I was doing. It was extremely late, and the bar was starting to close.

"I don't know, I'm in the hotel lobby."

Theo could sense the distraught panic through the line.

"Lilith where's Scarlett? Please tell me that nothing has happened to either of you two." He rasps.

Just hearing her name makes me want to sob as the memory of her lips on mine flashes in my head.

"she's fine, I just- I just did something really stupid Theo and I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." I let out.

I can hear Theo shifting around.

"Lilith just tell me what happened, take a deep breath and sit down somewhere if you can. Let's work this out together."

My thoughts were swirling too hard for me to even think about anything else as I glance around trying to find a place to sit.

A few feet away there is a couch with no one on and I take a seat with my heart racing in my chest.

"Okay, but you have to promise that you will be honest about how you feel with what I'm going to tell you." I begin.

"I promise I will be honest."

The thing I needed most right now was for someone to be frank and honest with me about how badly I have fucked things up.

"Tonight, Scarlett came back into my hotel room after her hearing. Everything was great and fine until... well... she sat next to me on the bed."

I take a pause waiting for Theo to say something, but he stays silent.

"It just felt so nice you know. Me and her, alone and just talking and for once it felt like nether one of us had to put up a front for the public, we could just be our true selves. I never meant to kiss her Theo I really didn't, but I did... and it was so amazing. It felt like I was on fire, and she was as well." My breathy shaky.

There's no answer on the line for a few moments but Theo then speaks.

"Wait you kissed Scarlett?" So much excitement was displayed in his words.

I felt ashamed and embarrassed, but I didn't regret what I did because kissing her was the best thing ive ever felt. I just knew she didn't feel the same and she would be ashamed to admit to anyone that she had let some stupid nieve girl kiss a woman like herself.

"I really didn't mean to, but it all happened, and I couldn't stop myself. I have been wanting to kiss her and so much more since the day we met but it's so wrong Theo." I'm nearly sobbing by this point.

The lobby is almost cleared by now other than a few drunk stragglers who were making out by the bar.

Low jazz music played in the background while I sat crying on this couch with my phone pressed against my cheek.

"Oh, my dear... Did she kiss you back?" Theo inquired.

Fuck did she. She kissed me back in a way no human could possible kiss another.

"Yes." Was all I could spew.

I knew he was dying for more details, and I wanted to give them to him I just couldn't shake the feeling that I am ruining her life and reputation.

"Well then that's a good sign. I told you she had a crush on you but what I can't seem to figure out so why this is so terrible?"

"You don't understand, after we kissed, she said we couldn't do this. She made me realize that what I had done was a mistake and I could ruin everything for her and me." I exclaim.

He's confused but he shouldn't be. Isn't it obvious why this is terrible and why I should never have kissed her in the first place?

"Let me ask you this Lilith. Do you like her as a person."

His question takes me off guard and I pause. I don't need to think about my answer, but I still do.

Of course, I like her as a person, on the outside she may seem cold and heartless, but I've gotten to know a side of Scarlett that is kind, warm hearted, and cares for others.

"Of course, I like her as a person. But what does that have to do with anything?"

Suddenly Theo laughs a little.

"Let me ask you another question. Do you have romantic feelings for her?"

I knew the answer to this question immediately as well. My feelings for her have always been more than platonic or work friendly feelings one may share with their boss.

"I see Scarlett in a way that I've never seen anyone else in my life before. I have never wanted so badly to kiss or to be near or to even talk to someone as badly as I want with her. My feelings for her are dangerous and I know they are wrong, but I've tried so hard to fight it and they just won't go away." I admit.

Finally, he sighs, and I can hear him shift around again.

"And that's your answer Lilith. Sometimes it doesn't matter how 'wrong' a person or feeling may be for you. You can't help who you love and there's no fighting that feeling. My best advice I can give you is go back to your room, drink some water, go to bed, and when yoy wake up tomorrow I want you to go tell Scarlett everything you feel for her and how bad you have wanted her since you two met."

"What?!" I nearly shout.

Theo are you out of your goddamn mind?!

"Just trust me on this one. Worse comes to worse she doesn't feel the same. Then you can put yourself out of the misery of not knowing and chasing after someone who doesn't want you. Or maybe she feels the same way and you two can start something together. If you spend all this time wondering about what could be or what couldn't be, you'll waste precious time you could be spending with the person you're meant to be with." He insists.

What is he was right? What if I'm just wasting all this time chasing after something that's pointless or I'm wasting time wondering and being to scared to make it happen.

"Maybe you're right Theo. I think I'm just really scared right now, and I don't know what's going to happen. I just know I don't want to lose her; I don't think I could take it." I silently cry.

"Just give it some thought and try to get more rest, you can call me again whenever you need, day or night. Just know everything will work out babe."

His words of comfort helped more than I imagined as I make my way back up to my room after hanging up the phone.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do but I knew I needed to fix this and take action because I can't live in the unknown any longer.