His Control |18+

90| Healing

This was a man who had a lot bottled up. Who had kept his cool for several years, not wanting to break because he had to lead people because he had to be strong, or the world would swallow him just like they did to his family?

This was a man who had experienced his dark days alone. A man who had lived with the haunting memories of finding his family already bled to death on the floors of their home.

He hadn't expected to break down, but this was it. This was it. He was tired of holding in so much emotional baggage, tired of being strong for everyone. Hell, he was tired in every area of his life, and all he needed was to take a break. All he needed was to feel something other than lust, hatred and the need to kill. He needed a dopamine hit. Not the one who got briefly after sex or after a kill. He wanted to feel real love. Real happiness, and he wanted to be loved in return.

As much as he had hated that feeling for a long time because he was being avoidant, he couldn't deny that there were some days when he needed to feel loved and cared for like his late wife had. He also couldn't deny that he craved good days.

Balia didn't stop him. She rubbed his back comfortingly, not telling him to stop because she believed he had to let it all out, and when he finally raised his head, he quickly wiped his tears and stood to his feet.

"I need some time alone, Balia. Hope you don't mind?"

She looked up at him, warmth and affection filling her eyes. "I don't mind, Senna. I want you to be okay. I know it isn't easy, but I wish you to be fine."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead. She closed her eyes, revelling in the feeling of his lip on her forehead. "I'll be fine. I need to clear my head. I'll be back."

She nodded and watched him leave the room with a smile. Things were becoming better than she had imagined. She was happy, and she had to admit that she was. He made her feel good in all kinds of ways. From the moment he took a shot for her, she knew he cared more deeply for her than she could ever imagine, and she was grateful for that. Grateful for that.

–

Senna decided to take a ride after he had been stitched up. He had to clear his head. He was embarrassed because he had broken down before Balia, but she didn't care. He had seen the look of genuine concern in her eyes when he looked into her eyes. There was no sign of judgment, but that didn't take away guilt.

He stopped by a florist and got a bouquet of peonies. The florist had told him it was dignified healing, and that was his message to her. He was done battling with the demons that had walked into his life when he lost her, but now, he was willing to heal. He was willing to piece back the broken pieces of his heart. He was willing to accept love again finally. He was tired of being afraid.

So he drove to the cemetery, walked to her grave and sat by it for a long time, telling her how he had come a long way and how he was willing to finally let go of the past so he could start a new life. He told her about Balia. Told her how he'd been shitty to her and how it had all been because he was afraid of opening his heart to love again. But now, she had his child, and it had jolted a feeling inside him, and he was willing to try at life with her.

By the time he finished spending time with her, it was already evening. He kissed her headstone and pushed her to his feet before returning to his car.

He stopped by a jeweller's to get a beautiful necklace for Balia. It was time for me to be intentional. For me to tell her that I cared for her and was willing to do anything so long as it made her happy. I wanted to start a new life with her, and though things were still really complicated, I wasn't even considering giving up.

On his return, Senna found her walking around the house with Tina and Trey. Her arms were wrapped around Trey, who helped her walk, and as they talked, they all laughed.

She was the first to see him, and when she did, a broad smile spread on her face. It warmed his heart.

Senna walked over to her and released her from Trey's hold.

"You're back," She said softly, leaning into him as they walked away from Trey and Tina.

"Yeah. I had to do a few necessary things, you know? Things that needed to be done."

"And what were they?" She asked, and he helped her into a chair, wincing in pain when he bent. "But first of all, how is your wound?"

He looked down at his gut and shrugged. "Got it stitched right after I left your room. I'll be fine in a few weeks. It's not such a long time. How are you?"

"I feel better knowing that I didn't lose my baby." Her smile was broad as she rubbed her belly.

"Our baby." He corrected me.

Her cheeks reddened, and she nodded with a smile. "Our baby."

"That's good." He kissed her on the cheek. "So you were asking about what I did today, right?"

She nodded.

"Uhm, my late wife. I've not been to her grave in almost a year."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I had already concluded that she was gone for good, but I wasn't ready to let her go. At least, not yet, I guess. Those were the darkest times of my life, and I honestly don't want to relive it."

She nodded in understanding. "I get you. It's a really sad feeling."

"I decided it was finally time for me to move on, so I got her peonies, and we talked for a long time. I'm sure she's been waiting for that conversation for a long time. I've just been stalling."

He laughed. Balia wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into her. She brushed her lips against his temple and inhaled. "It's very much okay to take your time before coming to terms with certain things. I perfectly understand because I lost my parents too, you know?"

"This is very awkward to talk about because—" Senna sighed.

Balia smiled sadly. "I know."

Senna wasn't ready to talk about that yet, so he changed topics by bringing the box into his pocket and handing it to her. She looked confused for a moment. "I got it for you."

"Oh, you didn't have to." She grinned broadly as she pulled the box open.

"But I wanted to."

Her eyes widened when she opened the box. Sitting pretty on a tiny silver necklace with glittery sapphire stones, it had a heart-shaped pendant. She peeked in to see that the word 'love' was scribbled in a beautiful font into the pendant.

She looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears. "It's so beautiful. You- oh, goodness. I can't even say you shouldn't have got it because I love it so much!"

"I'm glad you do," He said broadly. "Here. Let me put it on for you."

He took the box from her hand and pulled the pendant out slowly. Then he pushed her hair back, his knuckles grazing her skin before he clipped it shut.

She touched it softly as it would whither into the wind, but it was there, staring at her. She loved it. Oh, she loved it so much.

She threw her arms around him, and he hugged her tightly, careful not to upset her injury.

"Thank you so much, Senna. This means a lot to me."

"I'm glad you love it, Balia." He chuckled. "I love seeing you happy, and I'd do anything to see you smile."

"Same for me, Senna. Thank you."

"There's something else I want to tell you, but we must go in for that."

"Oh, what have you planned for me?" She laughed as he helped her to get her feet. They walked into the mansion, and he led them straight to his study, allowing her to walk in first before he shut the door behind him.

On his table was a manila envelope. He walked over to it and picked it up before handing it over to Balia, who had resided brows.

"Go through it."