Pernicious

28.

Smut ahead!!

Enjoy reading <3

//

Evelyn Jones

I placed the bouquet of daisy down, reading the name again and again like I did every year since I was 19.

It's still difficult for me to believe she's not here.

Rereading her name to make sure I actually come to meet her and not someone else. To make sure it's actually her name.

Sometimes I read it over so many times I forget how long I've been standing there, staring down at the name. Wishing the letters will start moving on it's own and start arranging itself to make a different name, making me realise it's not her down there.

But it remains the same every time I visit.

Camilla Jones.

My mom.

It's been 5 years today and I still can't accept the fact that she isn't walking on earth.

My eyes start burning with tears and I make no attempts to stop it. They turn blurry and one tear escapes and slides down my cheek. Then another. And another.

They just won't stop.

Everything came rushing back.

Everytime she saved me from dad. All the extra hours she worked so I had nothing less than the other kids at school. All the tiny cakes she bought me on my birthdays, hiding them from my father. All the meals she skipped so I could have 3 a day. Fulfilling all of my tantrums for a new toy.

I loved her so much.

So fucking much, it hurts.

I wiped my wet chin and cheeks, trying to control my sobbing.

A soft breeze caressed my hair and face. I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath.

I just hope she's in a better place, enjoying her afterlife in a beautiful garden filled with daisies. If there's an afterlife that is.

There were a few other people in the cemetery. Grieving the loss of their loved ones.

Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. How many of them died on the same day as my mom? How many of them shared the dreaded day with me? Crying their eyes out the same day as me?

I stared outside the bus, thinking about my mother. August 21 is the same every year. The whole day I feel like doing nothing but stay in bed, curled up in my blanket.

My stop arrived and I got off. After a few minutes of walking, my apartment building came into vision.

And so did something else...

As if coming out of a trance, my head snapped at my mobile screen.

5:28 pm.

How the fuck was it evening already?

I reached Kayden's car. He was leaning against the driver's side door. I made my way around the car, "I'm sorry. I'll be down in a few." I said as I entered my apartment building.

"Where the fuck were you when you know I'll be here?" He said in his usual angry voice.

I turned around, "I'm sorry. I lost track of time."

His angry furrowed eyebrows relaxed just an inch as he looked at me. I knew my eyes were puffy and red from all the crying and I'm too exhausted to give two fucks to hide it.