Unfortunate Reality || Ranboo ✔️

six :(

Trigger Warning
yelling & panic attacks

Ranboos POV

Month Three : Week Three
ceilings - Lizzy McAlpine

"We're going to this party." Jack said, taking my phone and accepting the invitation Rowan had sent me. I went to the last one he sent me and it ran me into Asterin. I was not stable enough for that to happen again, not this week. Last week I was so fucked up I could just act like I was hallucinating but Andrea was in town this week to check up on me and I couldn't really let go like that again. Her professors gave her the week to do work from home but I didn't really think she'd come back here.

"Jack, no." I said, trying to grab my phone.

"Too late, Rowan already said awesome and that he's excited to see you. Get some nicer clothes on, like jeans and a shirt. Those sweats and that hoodie just won't do for this party." Jack said, smiling at me as he grabbed clothes and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I sighed, praying to fucking god Asterin wasn't here. I wouldn't be able to handle it, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I literally will lose my fucking mind.

When Jack walked back in the room, I was sitting on my bed ready to go. Physically at least because my anxiety was off the damn charts. We walked down the street to the house and walked inside.

"Looks like there's more people outside." I heard Jack say and when I turned to look at him, he was gone and blended in with the crowd.

Oh fucking hell

I walked to where I knew the alcohol would be. I debated grabbing a can, but instead grabbed a coke and walked to the backdoor where I knew Rowan always was. I saw the bald headed nineteen year old that was my friend and sighed. "Hey Jack, you can't just run off like-"

I didn't even have to look at her to know she was standing right there. The hairs on the back of my neck made me very aware of our proximity. I looked at her anyway and when out eyes met, it was like nothing every happened. Time stopped moving, the world stopped spinning, my heart stopped breaking.

There were arms around her shoulders, but they fell as did her hand accompanying them.

The only thing playing in my mind was this few moments we had last week. Where nothing mattered. Where she was mine for just a few hours. Where I could pretend we went to that party together because nothing was ruined, because nothing changed.

What felt like ages later, she downed the can in her hand in one go. I knew she was breaking over my presence and all of my anger was on Jack for every making me come to this stupid fucking party.

Because one thing I realized, was Asterin Heart has absolutely no recollection of what happened last week. I could live in my bubble of me and her, but she couldn't.

She didn't remember, she didn't remember our dancing or the way I took her home or how I walked her to her door, or how she let me kiss her goodnight.

She didn't remember my apology or explanation.

She didn't remember how fucking broken I was to say goodbye because I knew it would happen.

Now Jack's taking it away from me because I saw her and she doesn't remember.

"Ash-" I tried, seeing if she would listen to a thing I would say.

"Blakely, another can." She said, turning around and walking to the girl in the chair a few feet away. Asterin caught the can and shotgunned it. She beat her record, twelve seconds was how long it took her to shotgun it. Last time I counted it was seventeen, I can only imagine how much she's done it since my graduation night.

"Asterin." I tried once more, it was no use though. I could see the anger flare in her eyes. She hadn't said anything yet, so one more try wouldn't hurt, right?

wrong

"Asterin, maybe we should get you home." I tried again. I saw her body stop. The way she stopped breathing, the way she actually thought about it for just a second. Not longer than that did it all fade away and she was turning to lash out.

Maybe that's why I pushed so hard, because I deserve to be lashed out on.

"You have no damn right." She growled out. I knew she was done with me, that I'd just fucked everything up for good. Why I kept fucking going is beyond me.

"Asterin-"

"No! You don't even have the right to say my name! You left me because of this right?! You left me broken and confused because of this! You have no right to care! No right to take me home! You have no right to talk to me or think about me! You have no fucking right to me anymore! Go fuck yourself, Carter, because I'm so done with you. I hope I never see you again, for your sake."

Her arm brushed mine as she shoved past me. My heart broke with the contact, knowing this would be the last. The only good thing I had to survive off of was that week, and it was all tainted by her lack of remembrance.

"I'm going back to the house, Jack." I whispered, putting my hands in my pocket and leaving back to my house. I walked through the back yard walking past Rowan as he gave me a sympathetic look.

My friend of six years was now friends with the love of my life.

That's fun for me, isn't it?

Month Three : Week Four
Somewhere In Ann Arbor - Anson Seabra

I sat at the traffic light, watching the blinking red light tell me to yield to anyone oncoming. Nobody was there, I was just sitting. Perks of driving around at 2am, i guess.

I sat until i got scared from my thoughts with a car honking behind me. I quickly put my foot on the gas, almost breaking the fuck out of my car with how quickly I accelerated. All i wanted was Asterin in the passenger seat so I don't feel so fucking alone.

I pulled into a random parking lot and just sat.

I let my breath get away from me.

I let the tears run.

I let my hands pound the steering wheel of a car that would never feel comfortable again, not without her.

Everything just feels so damn pointless.

why the fuck did i do this to us

why did i let you go

why didnt i tell you the truth

why did i let him win.