Unfortunate Reality || Ranboo ✔️

three :(

Sober - P!nk

"It's always a constant back and forth." I said, lying in the back yard with Asher. Mom Mom and Pop Pop were at Uncle Jimmy's house, but we came back here. He agreed I had all rights to walk out after what they did, but I had absolutely no right to get as high as i did beforehand and as reckless as I did in response.

"Between what?"

"Life and death." I whispered. "It's like walking a tightrope between to cliffs. Getting high just eliminates the decision."

"The decision of what?" He asked, voice shaking with realization.

"Ive never wanted to end my more than I have in these past nine months, Asher. Being reckless gets rid of the decision. I'm safe but i'm still actively putting my life in danger. If im high, i don't feel it. When i'm not, it feels like massive weights are pressing on my chest and I can't breathe. Nothing is killing me more than being sober."

"So you don't stay sober."

"So I don't stay sober." I laughed out. It was obviously not a funny joke, but I was at the point of the high where everything is funny.

"Theres ways to feel better when being sober, Asterin."

"Yeah, tell me how. How do I feel good sober? Because a sober life without him is not one I want to live anymore. I did it, I tried it, i hate it. Now i'm doin it differently."

"You have to find peace in living again."

"Don't you think ive tried! It's like every time I breathe or see anything or hear something it's always bringing him back."

"He's not dead, Asterin."

"He is to me." I whispered, the words killing every second of the high I had. So much for not being fucking here.

"You'll find love in something new, whether its him again or it's someone else."

"I don't want it with anyone else. He's it for me. Fuck everyone else." I said, getting up and walking towards the back door.

"Where are you going?!"

"To get high!" I yelled, slamming the back door. I walked to my room and locked the door while I packed another bowl. I was going to do a blunt, but I didn't want a massive high anyway. Just enough to put me to sleep.

I inhaled the burning weed and blew it out my window. My lungs burned, my throat burned, everything burned but the flame i used to share with Xavier. Maybe that's why I do it, to feel the burn he used to give me. Except now, this burn leaves scars I can't cover up.

Though he left the biggest one, so what's the use?

——

So the weed didnt work and now i'm wide awake. Sucks to suck i guess. Who would be awake right now?

Kai

Calling Hot Ass B!tch ...

"Asterin? What's up!" Kai answered, blatantly ignoring the fact that we havent talked in weeks. Two weeks to be exact.

"Kai! I'm high! Oh my fucking god that rhymed! Ha!" I laughed, requesting to facetime as i set up my LED lights. She accepted and my jaw dropped. "YOU'RE FUCKING HOT WHAT THE FUCK! SLAY QUEEN!"

"Oh my god you are high."

"No, im just a feminist. But also yes because I am."

"So what's up?"

"Im bored and wanna talk to my bestie." I said, sticking my tongue out and rolling my eyes as i closed them. Always made the face. everyone lives it. in amazing.

"Did you ring izzy and care already?" Kai asked, confused how she made it ro first call.

"Nope! Havent spoken to them in months! L bozo for me i guess." I said, making the face again.

"They miss you, you know."

"Dont ruin my high, Kai!" I yelled with a smile. The topic was switched immediately and we stayed up just rambling about the stupidest shit ever.

"When did you get that hoodie? Ive never seen it before."

I looked down at the cloth material, my smile falling without fail. It was Xavier's volleyball hoodie. The number 01 on the back accompanying Carter with Lowell High School on the front and their mascot. It was black with white lettering and my heart broke again. I abruptly hung up and called the one person i shouldnt be.

Luckily for me, the shit went to voicemail.

"Hi this is Xavier Carter! Hi Im here too!" My voice in the background and the knowledge that he hasn't changed his voicemail had tears in my eyes quicker than the night we left each other. "Shut up will you! No! I'm so fuckin cool! Anyway, leave a message after the tone! Leave a message after the beep beeeeeee-"

i sat there silent for a few minutes, tears streaming down my face at a rapid pace.

"I miss you. I don't know why i'm calling really, I guess I just wanted to hear your voice. Kai commented on the hoodie i'm wearing and it just had to be yours. I don't know why I say it as if I don't wear it everyday, because I do. I don't know, it's whatever, ignore this or whatever."

I clicked the end button and threw my phone. I closed my eyes and after about an hour, I finally fell asleep.

It didn't help that I woke up to three missed calls from him and a new voicemail from him either.