Unfortunate Reality || Ranboo ✔️

four :(

Trigger Warning
panic attack

Ranboo's POV

Month Two : Week One
Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw

My phone buzzed. I already knew what it was. I already knew who it was. I opened may phone to twitter and typing in the handle, knowing it by heart by now.

Cherry Heart <3
my.cars.hot._.
no matter what I say I'm not over you
only people who follow can comment

Xavier Heart
carter.exe_hasstoppedworking
and if I had a chance to re-new. you know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do
only people who follow can comment

Cherry Heart <3
my.cars.hot._.
I would get back on the right path but only if you'd be convinced. so until then
only people who follow can comment

The air got colder in my room. My heart sunk more. My breathing became more labored.

I was having a panic attack

great

I just laid there. Let my breathing sweep away. Let my head because fuzzy. Let my body go numb. I just let it happen. I didn't need to control it. I didn't need to feel fine because I wasn't fine.

I was tired of not being fine.

Month Two : Week Two
my tears ricochet - Taylor Swift

I explained everything through a bruised jaw. Couldn't really say it felt good, but I deserved it. I was completely on Tommy's side, I just didn't know how to express it. Nobody understands how hard it is to just leisurely give up the love of your fucking life.

"So you just gave her up?" Tommy asked me after everyone filed out for pizza. I quickly looked at my phone and saw the tweet. Subtweeting was her way of getting her emotions out. She knew I saw them, I knew she saw my replies.

Cherry Heart
my.cars.hot._.
you had to kill me but it killed you just the same. cursing my name, wishing I'd stayed.
only people who follow can comment

Xavier Heart
Carter.exe_hasstoppedworking
you turned into your worst fear
only people who follow can comment

"I had to."

"Why didn't you fight back?"

"I couldn't. I realize now I could, that I was just stupid not to." I said, putting my head in my hands.

"Why don't you tell her?"

"I want to, it's just too late now."

"It's never too late, Xavier." Tommy said, standing up and walking out. I followed and we ate pizza. I wanted to enjoy my time in London, knowing when i went back to California i'd distance again. I was here for a week maybe, im not sure. timr doesnt really feel real anymore, so i stopped counting it. i stopped counting days. i stopped counting hours. i stopped everything.

half of me wished i'd stopped breathing too, but i knew that was too much.

i just want my mom

Month Two : Week Three
Stop and Stare - OneRepublic

I tried enjoying my time in Missouri. I genuinely loved meeting Caroline's family and getting closer with her and seeing my sister. I loved feelimg alive again. I loved the adrenaline it gave to be where nobody knew. I loved the adrenaline of people wondering what the hell i'm gonna do next. I loved the adrenaline of wondering what the hell i'll do next myself.