Unfortunate Reality || Ranboo ✔️

one :(

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

I did it again, god I fucking did it again. Except this time, this time i knocked.

It was late, storming, and I was so fucked up.

God I didn't even know what i was doing. I mean, perks of getting high i guess?

"Asterin?" I heard as the door opened. My tears just kept pouring and mixing with rain.

"I didn't know where else to go." I sobbed, the rain coming down harder with every passing minute. My skin was tingling, my eyes heavy, my brain could melt. I got too high for once, but that's not why i was here.

"Asterin, what's going on?" He asked, stepping outside, his hair immediately getting drenched. I just sobbed harder.

Why wouldn't they fucking say anything?

"He's gone again! I didn't even s-see him this time! Nobody told me! Nobody wanted to! He's gone and I didnt even get to say goodbye!" I screamed, throwing my hands around to prove her point. Xavier gently grabbed my wrists and i fought. "Get off! Let go! You hurt me too! You ruined me!" I yelled. I stopping the fighting after a few moments and allowed him to hold me against his chest.

"You ruined me too, Asterin." I heard his whisper. My lungs couldn't properly fill after inhaling weed instead of my inhaler.

News flash, don't smoke when you have asthma.

"I ruined myself, Xavier." I sobbed, gripping anything my hands could touch on him. "I hate myself, i hate myself so much. I know they didn't tell me because he can't see me like this, can't..."

"Can't see how close to the edge you are?"

"Can't see how far down ive already fallen." I whispered.

"Star." He whispered, pressing his lips to my hair. "What's happened?"

"Im high out of my mind right now, Xavier. It's the only way to make the pain stop and make remembering how i ran everyone off stop. Im so alone and the thrill isn't there. It's just me fucking everything up."

"You just want it to stop." He whispered against my head.

"I just want it to stop." I sobbed, hugging him closer.

For the first time in months i felt safe.

"I miss you, Star."

"I miss me too, Xavier, god I miss Tubbo and I miss Izzy and Caroline and Kai and Mars. And I miss you and I miss me and I miss us. I want us so bad but it can't happen."

"It can't happen?" He asked, i could hear the pain. That's all i seem to cause recently.

"I'm too far gone, Carter." I said, pulling away with a laugh. There it is. "Ha! Bye, Carter."

I ran. I just ran until I had no breath left, no energy left, i had nothing left. I was exhausted, high, and tired of life.

"I'm here until your brother gets here." Ranboo said, sitting in the grass next to me. "And if you try to run you'll truly see how a 6'6 person runs after a 5'3 person."

I could hear the anger and pain in his voice. I laughed it off. I always laugh it off.

"Do you understand just how fucking dangerous this is, Asterin? You're playing with fire-"

"Ive already been burned." I said, sitting up and glaring at him

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do it? If you feel so damn alone why fucking do it?"

"Who am I supposed to go to? If you can't recall I came to your house high, Ranboo."

"And yet you come here Sober every damn time you're in San Francisco, Asterin. My bedroom window looks over the damn street and I see you pass by four times in five fucking minutes. You even come up to the door but you walk back down and drive off before you turn around and do it again the following day or the following week. All of this following what happened at the party. You've never been alone, ive always been right here."

"You weren't-"

"Supposed to see it? Yeah, kinda fucking figured that out when not once have you messaged me or even knocked since."

"What do you want me to say, Xavier? It's not really easy saying you were right now is it?"

"I may be right a year later but i wasn't then. You ask for help."

"When have I ever asked for help. You're being ridiculous."

"You need help, Asterin. Like it or not."

"Don't you think I know that? You're ruining my damn high."

"You do that on your own." He let the words fall out of his mouth. That's how i know ive pissed him off, pushed him to the edge.

"God you fucking make me insane." I mumbled, leaning my head on my wet jeans.

"And you still make me safe." He mumbled back, reaching his hand to grab mine. I didn't fight, didn't let myself react either though. I just held it back. Silence fell between us.

I heard my car pull up and my brother was pissed.

"Get the fuck in the car, Asterin." He yelled. I rolled my eyes and walked to the car. I buckled up and watched Ranboo as he pulled off.

"I don't want a lecture." I said softly, allowing the trees to block my view of the boy i still loved so desperately.

"Then talk to me, Asterin, because I can't keep covering for you if you're not being safe like you promised."

"I will, i promise, just when i'm more sober and aware of what i'll be saying." I whispered, leaning my head on his shoulder.

I hate this.