Unfortunate Reality || Ranboo ✔️

twelve :(

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

"Where were you?" Carter asked, staring dead at me.

"On a walk." I said, knowing they already knew I wasn't actually taking the dogs out with my uncle sitting there.

"Doing what?" My uncle asked, looking at me. I didn't know whether to lie to him or not and he new that. That's why he asked me.

"Just needed to breathe." I shrugged. I mean, it wasn't a lie. I did breathe. I breathed weed.

"Try again." He said, staring dead at me.

"I'm not lying."

"Up the stairs, now." He said, standing up. I rolled my eyes and back tracked up the damn stairs.

"Baby we're the New Romantics." I hummed under my breath. "Come on come along with me."

"On the couch." He said.

"On the couch." I mocked, sitting down. I slapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my laugh after I said it.

"You might wanna calm your high ass down a few notches there, Asterin."

"Me me me me me, I literally don't care bro."

"Asterin."

"You know my. name?" I said sarcastically, feigning a shocked expression.

"I'm not fucking around right now." He responded, face straighter than a damn board. Maybe he should take it down a few notches because he looks like he's gonna hit me like my mom. HA trauma jokes.

"Makes one of us." I shrugged.

"Can you just be for real for one fucking minute, Asterin!" He yelled. Selene started crying from my room and I have never felt more sober in my life. I hopped up and ran back to my room where I knew she was. I picked her up and cradled her to my chest. Madi then woke up and started crying as well. I sat down on the bed, calming Selene down as well as Madi.

"Hey, it's okay. Come here, Madi, It's okay." I whispered, rocking Selene in my arms as I spoke to Madi. Madi crawled over to me and laid her head in my lap. I ran my spare hand through her hair and hummed softly to them.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray." I whispered, singing softly to the kids I've simply recognized as my own now. "You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."

I repeated the song until Madi was fast asleep in my lap and Selene had fallen asleep with my hair grasped in her hand. I sighed softly, staying there for a few moments so I knew they'd stay asleep. I kept ahold of Selene while carefully moving Madi back into her normal sleeping position. Once I knew she was comfortable and not waking up again, I stood to lay Selene down in her crib. I covered both of them with their blankets before finally looking at the door.

"You're doing more than I thought you were." He whispered, staring at me with concern written all over his face.

"What did your wife say to you?' I asked, walking past him as I cracked the door. That's when I realized the crowd of people standing in my damn living room like this was a show to watch.

pity

it was all over their damn faces. Like I was a train wreck or a bomb about to go off. And honestly, I probably was.

"You can all go watch the eighteen year old mom some other time." I sassed. They all just stood like they were fucking frozen. It's like when you see an accident on the side of the road. Sirens wailing. Police lights spiraling around and around. You want to look away but you can't.

"Go back downstairs." My uncle whispered to me. I nodded, walking down the stairs and into the main living room. I plopped on the couch and threw my bag down the floor next to me. I pulled my knees to my chest and just sobbed.

"Star?" I heard from the stairs. I couldn't look up, I couldn't move. I haven't heard that nickname from that mouth in that tone in fucking months.

"Go away, I can't deal with this anymore." I sobbed out.

"I can help you, you just need to help yourself too."

"Can't you see that I don't want any fucking help! I'm stuck in an infinite loop and even if I did want help it's impossible to save me."

"That's not true."

"It is, just leave me alone, please."

"Alright." He said. He sat next to me. That is not what the fuck I meant Carter and you damn well know it.

It was an internal battle whether to push him away or fall into his embrace. I didn't know what I wanted more.

To be alone or to be with him.

both will suffice I guess?

"Fuck you." I said, falling into him. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you."

"I know, Star." He whispered, rubbing his hand up my arm and pressing a kiss to my head.

"I fucking hate you."

"I know you do, love."

"Why do you do this. Why do you always just agree with me."

"Because you don't need a battle right now. I know you don't hate me, I know it's just in the moment. I know it's what you need to say so your emotions get out. I know it's not permanent either. I know once you get better all of this pain and hatred will fade and you will realize so many things in your life again. I just hope I'm someone you realize wants you and loves you and needs you."

"I regret so many things, Carter. I regret so fucking much. I regret letting you go. I regret ever believing you. I regret getting high and drunk all the time. I regret failing my senior year. I regret so much I can't even breathe. I let Izzy go. I let Caroline go. I didn't fight for them nor did I fight with them. I just left them and played the victim. I fought with my Uncle, the only one who has proved his existence in my life from day fucking one. The one who has picked me off the floor so many times I can't even count them and now I'm just being hateful to him. He probably hates me as much as I hate him."

"Killer, I could never hate you." I heard my uncle say from the stairs. It made me sob more.

"You should though! I keep fucking up your life."

"You never have and you never will. I failed to protect you again, Star." He said, "And I'll never let you go down this path again."