Daughter of the Moose (sequel to 'Married to a Moose')

Chapter 83

"Well, goodnight kiddo." The guys said.

"Wait. I want to say something."

"What?" They asked, not really thinking about our argument earlier.

"I'm sorry. To both of you."

"Alex, you don't-" Dean started

"Yes, I do. You guys were right. I shouldn't have just left. I should have asked. I know it seemed like just a simple thing to me, but you just want to keep me safe. Thank you for wanting to protect me. I'm sorry."

"We did overreact a little. Just don't leave without telling us again and you are no longer grounded." My dad said.

"I promise I won't leave without your permission again, but why aren't you grounding me. It doesn't make any sense. You were so pissed at me. Like super pissed."

"I overreacted. You didn't think it was a big deal and I understand that it was embarrassing. You said you won't do it again, so you aren't grounded." I nodded, not sure what to say. I knew my dad was understanding, but this was out of the ordinary even for him. Suddenly, my dad sent Dean out and shut the door.

"What's up dad?" I asked, skeptically since he sent Dean out.

"I want to say sorry about what I said to your mom."

"What you guys argue about is none of my business." I stated

"That's not what I mean. I called you something I've always promised you you weren't. I said it was her fault you were a monster." He said looking down sadly.

"Dad, I'm not mad at you. Things got heated, things just came out." I said, and I meant it. I knew he didn't think I was a monster. "I do have a question though, and I want an honest answer."

"Shoot."

"What has been up with you lately? You had that stretch of time once you came back when you were angry and disconnected and moody all the time, and now, when you get mad, it's different."

"Different how?" A couple tears leaked out again. "What's different? Honey, what have I done to you?" He asked when he saw my tears.

"You get scary. Like terrifyingly scary. It's like you're on a rampage of anger. You get really loud and you look like at any second you could punch me in the face." I said through the tears as I began to curl up against the headrest of my bed.

"Alex, I'm so sorry, honey."

"Why have you been acting this way? It makes no sense to me. You've been so nice and loving and now it's like everything makes you mad. It's not a normal mad. I'm scared to even talk to you now."

"First, calm down. Please." He said, then sat next to me on the bed. "Ok. Look, you're gonna fight me on this to no end, but it's how I feel... It's a combination of purgatory stuff and how I feel about being your father. Purgatory sucked. You heard all that when I told you about it, but fighting for my life, not knowing if I would ever see you again, hating myself for getting killed in front of your face, it hit me hard. I hate myself right now, Alex. I hate that I found you and brought you back into this life. I hate that I drug you into hunting. I hate that I'm the reason your life is the way it is."

"Dad?" She asked, hurt. "How could you possibly say that you hate you brought me into your life? I thought you loved me and wanted me. You saying you hate that you brought me back into your life is like saying you hate that I was brought into this world. My old life was not a life. This is my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything." I was about to cry again.

"I do love you and want you honey, it's just... Everything is my dang fault. You get hurt a lot, I died in front of your face, I make you cry, I'm a horrible dad. Your life has been nothing but bad lately and it's all because of me. I'm so mad at myself for everything and I'm upset about how sucky everything is. I lash out because of it and in the process, I hurt you even more. I'm such an idiot." Now he was on the verge of crying.

"You are not a horrible dad. I'll say that a million times a day until I die if that is what it takes for you to believe it. I don't care if you think you messed something up. I love you. I thought Dean was the one being hard on himself. I spent so much time trying to make him feel better about himself that I didn't even notice you were feeling this way. You shouldn't be mad at yourself. You are not an idiot; you are my dad. If anyone is an idiot, it's me for not noticing how bothered you were by all this." I rubbed his shoulder slightly.

"I know you say that, but I've ruined your life. In more ways than one."

"What is it going to take to make you believe me? I'm not gonna sit here and have you hate yourself. You are amazing. I am the luckiest person in the world to have you as my father. You haven't ruined my life. You've made it better. Now get off your butt and quit feeling bad about yourself." He stood up. He wrapped me in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, Alex. For everything and anything. I'm happy I found you and I didn't mean what I said."

"I know. So quit being upset and be the happy and amazing man who is my dad." He nodded and looked at the floor.

"Also, sorry I didn't believe it when Dean told me you said your mom was in your room. I know you'd never lie to me. I love you so much honey."

"I love you too, dad. I know you are sorry. It's ok. I'm not mad and I never was."

"Thanks kiddo."

"Of course." I said before he said goodnight and left. I texted Dean everything my dad and I had just discussed.

'Oh, that makes sense. Sorry I didn't talk to him with you. I told you I would.'

'It's ok Dean.'

'I'm also sorry I didn't believe you at first about your mom being here and I got so mad about the CVS trip.'

'Don't be sorry. I wouldn't have believed me either and I would have been mad too.'

'But I know you'd never lie to me. And I shouldn't have been mad about the CVS trip.'

'It's fine, Dean. Just let it go. We're ok.'

'Good. Goodnight, Alex.'

'Goodnight, Dean.' I said before putting my phone on the table next to me.

"Mom, I know you're there. You don't have to come here, but I just wanted to say thanks for everything, I love you, and goodnight." I closed my eyes, and felt a motherly kiss on my forehead followed by my mom's voice.

"Goodnight honey. I love you too." I opened my eyes and she was already gone. I fell asleep comfortably without any worries. Everything seemed to be off our chests.