Ten Sins || #Wattys2015

Chapter 183

"I let you go through the pain by your own so you can come out strong. And...I wanted to protect my heart.." I looked down as I said the last sentensce.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he said in a way as if I just said something stupid. "How can I come out strong when you're not with me, huh? I've told you, Rebecca. You make me strong. And protect your heart?" he huffed. "Protect her from what?"

My heart fluttered at his words but also fell down to my stomach. "I couldn't stand any more pain, Harry. I-I'm sorry..But Louis said that I-,"

"Woah, woah, woah." he raised his hand, making me close my mouth. Ah, shit. "Louis?" he repeated, narrowing his eyes. "What the hell does he have to do with this? Since when are you listening to what he's saying? Since when do you let the others have a say in our relationship?" anger was born in his eyes now.

"Nobody has a say, Harry. But Louis told me something today that got me worried." I replied, shaking my head gently.

"What did he say?" he asked, impatient.

"He said the light inside of me is diminishing and one more thing that would hurt me could've destroy that light for good. And I don't want that, Harry." I admitted. "Maybe the light is my gift to help the souls. Maybe the light is my will to die for the ones I care about. Maybe," I drew a breath. "Maybe the light is my love for you."

He stood silent for a few good seconds, just scanning my face, proccessing the words. The silence was torturing and I could feel the tension between us growing stronger.

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt today? How much I wanted to dissapear?" he asked, his voice now shakey, making my heart skip beats.

He shook his head and pursed his lips before a grimace covered his features as he held back the tears. He ran both hands through his hair and looked away, gasping for air. My heart now clenched and I wanted so badly to reach forward and pull him to me, but I didn't. I knew he wanted space at the moment, so I respected that.

"Everyone hates me, Rebecca. Everyone. I don't belong here, I never will." he said exasperatedly, raising his hands in the air. He looked at me and I swear, that pained look; it killed me.

"You're the only one that understands me, the only one I can count on. And you didn't even look for me." he gasped for air again as the corner of his eyes started watering. Guilt and sadness hit me again and my chest caved as I blew a heavy breath. "I felt as if you stopped..." he sobbed. "As if you stopped loving me. As if you didn't care. As if you were done with me. And that made me realise that whatever that jerk said to me was true. That I keep destroying everyone's lives. Including yours."

"Harry," I mumbled. "I'm sorry for not searching for you, but I can't always follow you and try to make everything better when they're not. I was worried as hell, though. I needed to see you, to make sure you're okay. You know that, I love you, with all my heart, and I will always be there for you, even when you don't expect me to. But today..I just couldn't push my heart. I'm sorry.." sobs now came past my lips as my own eyes started watering.

He sighed heavily and looked away. "I'm sorry that you have to love a fuck up like me." he muttered.

"Don't say such things." I shook my head.

He sighed again and ran a hand down his face. He looked everywhere down on the floor instead of meeting my eyes. "Whatever, I'm tired.." he murmured. "I'm going upstairs to sleep now. We'll talk tomorrow." he said and turned around, quickly making his way upstairs and leaving me standing there with an aching heart.

...

He didn't even sleep with me.

He murmured a quiet "goodnight" and got into his own room before closing the door. It was sad, for me, because I could see something was torturing him, yet he didn't allow me to help him.