The Peacekeeper

==> Karkat: Have An Identity Crisis Part Two

Karkat was acting weird. Surprise surprise.

It was as if he was split in two. Young and stupid versus knight and stupid. Both were stupid and both were so adamant about making their point they didn't give a single fuck that they rained hell on Karkat's mind yet again, leaving him to helplessly putter around in the ruins of his mind. He stopped leaving bed, stopped eating, stopped everything he's been working so hard for. All Karkat could do was silently lay there, staring up at nothingness and internally screaming at himself. Sometimes he'd get up when his back started hurting and he'd go to the bathroom. He'd lock himself in there and the routine would resume. Stare at nothing and mentally berate himself, sometimes he stared at his reflection but it was hard. He looked in the mirror and all he could see was his body, not himself.

Dave had noticed. He noticed the second he woke up and saw that Karkat was already awake and motionless. Dave tried talking to him but Karkat didn't even look at him, it didn't seem like he even registered Dave's existence. Of course this whole situation threw the Knight of Time into a frenzy but what could he do? Karkat hadn't done anything the day before, he was perfectly fine before bed, this just happened. Karkat just woke up and checked out. Dave couldn't do anything, no one could. Karkat had to be the one to help himself.

Who was he?

Three days. Four nights. Complete silence. Time melted together. New days, new thoughts, new actions, they all came in the blink of an eye and left just as quick. Karkat was pulled underneath the violent waves of the ocean and as he floated in the watery hell, he could see the wreck above. It all happened at once, it all happened at their own time, it didn't matter. Karkat was sinking, floating slowly. Why should the crashing waves above affect him under water?

Karkat got out of bed and went out into the kitchen. Dave hadn't left the apartment but was in the living room, he jumped into the air and quickly flew over to the troll. The interrogation began: "Karkat are you okay? Dude what's wrong? D'ya want me to make you somethin' to eat? What can I do to help?"

Karkat grabbed two granola bars he knew were shoved into the very back corner of their snack cabinet and went right back to bed.

This was the wrong way to go about things. This was stupid and unhealthy and fucking selfish of him. How could he do this to everyone after all they've done for him? After the seemingly endless perigees of dealing with him, with his stupid fucking outbursts and his stupid fucking hallucinations. How could Karkat do this to them?

But who was he?

Staring back at him from the mirror was just a body.

What did the others see?

The mattress sunk with the weight of a body. Karkat didn't stop staring at the stucco above.

"Hey man." Dave was sitting up, staring down at the one he called his love and his heart broke. "Please just talk to me darlin'." Not even a blink of acknowledgment. Clenching his jaw, Dave opted to lay down next to the husk of a troll and stare at the ceiling above as well. He couldn't look at Karkat anymore without risking some loud sobbing and that wouldn't help anyone right now. They laid in silence.

Who did Dave see when he looked at Karkat?

Oh, but it's obvious isn't it? Hasn't he always seen the one he's in love with? Did he not yearn for the return of a livelier troll with a flaming tongue and more passion than ten opera singers? Did he not plaster the image of what once was over the sad excuse of a troll he has now? Could he ever be that again? Could he even dream of being that again?

"Karkat?" Dave spoke softly. "M'not gonna stop bein' here for you."

And who did Dave see now? Was it the Peacekeeper? A broken man, an angry animal taken away from its home, a threat that can only barely be contained. Was the same fear there? Was the same lack of personhood there?