The Peacekeeper

==> Dave: Drown

It was hours after everyone left. Dave didn't know  when or how but he had made his way over to the bathroom to cry in his tub. This was terrible, beyond terrible. Every worst case scenario had just happened one after the other and Dave did nothing but stand there and watch. All he had wanted was a good time with friends but the fates had different plans.

Meanwhile in Dave's room, Karkat was marinating in the deep shit he had gotten himself into. Dave was right and Karkat must've been severely fucking brain damaged for ever even thinking he could just power through something like that. He had gotten out of control and for what? He knew he wasn't ready but his apparent lack of brain cells and overwhelming desire to prove to himself that he was fine convinced him otherwise. Now he had to try to climb out of the hole he dug himself into. But how? He couldn't just apologize and say he'd do better because that's all he's ever done, say something and not commit.

Quietly, Karkat walked out of the room and knocked on the bathroom door. Dave didn't open it at first, pondering whether or not he could just ignore it until he went away, but the calmer and rational part of his brain convinced him to step out of the tub and open the door. He couldn't just hog the bathroom, what if Karkat needed to go. Dave wouldn't torture Karkat with restricting his restroom access because he was emotional.

"Dave..." Karkat started only to stop immediately. His eyes were zooming around but refusing to land on Dave. "I don't know..." He trailed off again. "I...I..."

"Karkat, I'm sorry, I can't do this right now. I'm still not completely over what happened and to be honest having to look at you is making me want to cry."

"No! No, please just give me one second." His eyes continued flickering around, it was like he was looking for something. "Listen, I was a complete fucking douchebag. I was worse than a douchebag. I shouldn't of blamed it on Vriska when I was sniffing out a fight, I should've said something to you earlier and I should've said something when you asked me if I was okay. I know that my apologies are worthless at this point but I'm sorry. I..." He sighed. "I need to talk to you. I want to talk to you. It's just so hard and terrifying and I don't want to ever have to think about what's happened to me but not acknowledging it is just making me worse."

"...I appreciate your apology but I hope you don't get too surprised when I say I don't believe any of it." Ouch. Okay, Karkat deserved it.

"That's fine, I understand. Especially after the huge shitfit I had the other day I wouldn't believe anything that came out my trap either. But Dave I'm going to do this even if it kills me. I will do anything you ask me to and I'll say anything you want me to."

"All I want from you is to try. That's all I've wanted since you moved in. I just want you to try and trust me so I can help you."

"Okay. Okay, yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"That easy? Just...now you're going to try. Now because we have had multiple terrible emotional outbursts and because you feel bad, you'll start trying." Dave was starting to get worked up again, his voice got louder the farther into his sentence he got. He shut his eyes tightly and sighed in exasperation, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know what the whole point behind this talk was but it's not helping anything."

"What can I do to help make it better."

"What do you mean what can you do?! No, sorry for yelling. I'm calm now. What I mean to say is how the fuck can you ask me that when, and I've said this already, we've had a talk about this. Just-Just...I dunno! I just- UGH!" Dave was getting too frustrated to even complete a sentence. Karkat watched as Dave shut his eyes and massaged his temple. God, Karkat was awful. He was the worst. He deserved to be kicked out into the street then hunted for sport for how he was making Dave feel. And for what? Because Karkat's just too scared to ask for help? Because he doesn't know his own mind anymore? Because he's scared of guilt and horrors he's faced and will have to face again? Because despite everything that has happened to him, some teeny tiny itty bitty part of him tucked away at the deepest and darkest corner of him, he didn't want to upset Dave? Because he's scared that in healing himself he'll rediscover the terrible truth that he's still in love with Dave? Because he's scared he'll never get fully better and end up doing something stupid and dangerous because in his mind he can still see Dave the way they wanted him to see him?