The Peacekeeper

==> Dave: Be So Grossly In Love

"Karkat," Dave had his hands placed on both of Jade's (who had a paper with Karkat's name on it taped to her forehead) shoulders, "What would you say to...uh..." Dave shook his head. "No fuck, scratch that one." He waved the previous attempt away and tried again. "Hey bro— no I shouldn't start this with bro. Fuck." John, who had been idly floating around in the air above Jade and Dave, watched as his friend muttered to himself about what not to say.

"Daaave!" Jade sighed loudly and annoyed and took the stupid paper off her forehead, crumbling it in her hand. "I'm tired of this!! You've been at it for an hour and I'm B-O-R-E-D!" Now Jade was floating up to join her brother, not changing out of her cross-legged position. "We're not hanging out just to help you practice asking your already boyfriend out! It's super boring for us!"

"I know, I know!" Dave sighed out in annoyance, hands going up to bury his face into. "I just— it's hard an' I honestly think my charisma meter has taken a serious plunge. It wasn't this hard back when I was a teen."

"Yeah it was." John said, huffing out a laugh. "Didn't you tell me that you tried asking him out so many different times but kept twirling around the actual fucking question and he ended up asking himself out for you?" Jade snickered. It wasn't Dave's fault he could confidently proclaim that he and Karkat were two peas in a pod and if either of the scourge sisters- or anyone- interpreted them as redrom partners that was on them, it was Karkat's for making Dave feel so gushy and nervous inside. And also Bro's but that's a whole other can of worms he didn't have to open right now. "And just because I'm allowed to tease you for it," John continued, "I'd like to also point out that the two of you spent almost an hour making out in my drive way so I don't think you should be allowed to feel nervous about asking him to be your matesprit." Dave groaned and nodded slowly in agreement. He told John and Jade about that night, of course he did, they're his best buds. His partners in crime. The dynamic buck teethed duo that have been supporting him. He asked Karkat about it and after a little buttering him up with a lot of sour snacks and smooches, the troll said it was okay.

"He's right." Jade said with a shrug. "I mean, honestly Dave I think maybe you should just nut up or shut up."

"Yooo hold the fuckin' phone, just because we shared a few tender moments doesn't mean I can't feel the merciless side effects of cupids heart-shaped arrows. That motherfucker's doing his job and doing it far too well for my pleasure."

"Bleh, excuses excuses! Just do it! Don't think!" She grabbed both of Dave's shoulders and started shaking him lightly. "Turn off your brain and go with it! For gods sake just please don't make me pretend to be him anymore." Dave laughed and agreed, apologizing for having to subject Jade to such horrors.

From that second on, Dave kept his pining to himself. For the sake of his friends and because they were right, this wasn't something he could try to prepare for. He was Dave Strider, smoothest man in the galaxy. Surely the universe would smile on him and he'd be gifted with the ultimate power of not sounding like a complete idiot. Everything would be fine so long as he kept himself cool. They spent the rest of the day hanging out together, enjoying each others company and basically fucking around. The usual stuff. When it was time to go home Dave hugged both his friends so tightly that he crushed the air out of their lungs. It was the very power of his love for his best bros translated to the physical form. Eventually they parted ways, Dave flying off back to his house and Jade going straight up into space for a nice space visit. You know, the kind you can casually have if you're a god.

Getting home was a breeze, the real hard part were his worries eating at his brains and making him anxiously expect that something would go wrong. Maybe Dave was getting the wrong idea, maybe Karkat wasn't actually into him. Maybe Karkat was taking this whole situation as a weird platonic relationship . Maybe Dave was just worried he'd get rejected even though for the past two months the two of them have been consistently snuggling into bed at night to whisper sweet nothings to one another as they fell into a comfortable sleep in each others arms. Maybe maybe maybe. The nerve-racking thoughts and terrible feeling of expecting the worst melted away the second he stepped into his apartment.