The Peacekeeper

==> Karkat And Dave: Freak Out About Each Other x2

"I'm not going to lie, I'm freaked out dude. Like, beyond freaked out." Dirk grunted in response, pouring two cups of coffee before handing one to Dave and sitting down.

"Right. What exactly is it you're freaking out over? When you called earlier you just kept saying 'dude' and asking if you could come over. And now that I'm almost fully awake at," Dirk glanced over to the clock before resuming his sentence, "six in the morning I would like an actual explanation instead of just 'dude' repeatedly. Unless of course you've made a secret language for the two of us to use. If that's the case then you're a jackass for not handing me the translation sheet and helping me understanding what 'dude dude dude dude dude dude.' meant." Dave opened his mouth but Dirk cut him off. "And another thing: please for the love of me stop coming in through my window. It's fuckin' weird and I didn't enjoy the sudden flight or fight while my eyes are crusted shut with sleep goop. It made everything waaay more terrifying."

"Okay, yeah, I admit it started feeling like a crime instead of a fun little prank. But this time it was for good reason." Dirk blinked tiredly and motioned for Dave to continue. "I think Karkat may have of tried to kill me last night. Earlier this night. Whatever."

"What?!" Dirk was wide awake now.

"Listen, I'm probably wrong and I am praying to whoever the fuck that I am but...I swear I think he tried to kill me last night. Don't freak out or anything but—"

"What do you mean 'don't freak out'?? Dude, we just got out of living with the constant threat of dying breathing down our necks and up our assholes. I am not going to just calmly sit off in the sidelines while you live in a house with a troll who has attempted to kill you." Dave opened his mouth to speak but was once again cut off by Dirk. "No, wait," he sighed, "why exactly do you think he was trying to kill you? Let's start with that."

Dave ran a hand through his hair, stopping to grip a chunk of it. He squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply before speaking. "I was sleepin' on the couch and-and I feel somethin' wet hit my face and I wake up and he's just," He waved his hands wildly, "just there! Just, like, right above me. So I get scared and fall off the couch then I hear somethin' drop and-and he starts crying and... And I go to help him and while I'm holdin' him, his sickles are just right there." A sigh escaped him. "And he kept saying he "couldn't do it". So I put two an' two together and..."

"And you think he tried to kill you." Dirk sighed out, running a hand through his tangled bedhead. His ecto-brother nodded, a glum expression on his face. "Honestly Dave, I don't know what to tell ya here. I mean...he tried to kill you. Under normal circumstances I'd say that you should probably just...stop. Stop tryna take care of him, stop tryna fix him, stop tryna do things for him. If he is tryin' to murder you while you're sleepin' then dump him off on someone else. Seriously, wipe your hands clean and move on with your life. But considerin' the fact that you won't even pretend to listen if I seriously suggest it, I wish you good luck on not meeting your untimely death. I'll make you a really nice mausoleum."

"Dude!"

"What! I don't know what you want me to say that isn't just 'Oh gee that sucks Dave, hopefully this is just a phase he'll grow out of!'" Dave let out a long and loud groan, his head buried in his arms as he rested on the tabletop. "And, I'm not tryin' to be a bitch or anythin' but why are you comin' to me about this? Up until last week I was a whisper in the very back of your mind." The Knight of Time rolled his eyes. "Seriously though, ya have Rose and John and they're infinitely better options to hash things out with than me. I'm like, the worst guy there is. Every time some small inconvenience happens I ponder whether or not I should throw myself off a cliff."

"Because...because I already talked to Rose a thousand times about how I don't know what the shit I'm doin' and I didn't want this to spread out and worry everyone."