Anything [h.s]

Chapter 44

Trigger - severe depression, mentioning of self harm, struggling to eat

Anna Faze.
(December 3rd)

I've been home for four days?

I'm not really sure. I haven't moved from my bed. Taking those four days off only made things worse. I don't have the energy to do anything. Milo wanted to be no part of me once we got back.

Peyton comes by twice a day to check in on me, it's really to make sure I haven't harmed myself in any way. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, I just have zero energy or motivation to do anything.

I haven't answered the phone for anyone. Harry has been calling me every other hour, he'll leave a voicemail which even to listen to it I don't have the energy for. The first one I listened to from him was him telling me about his day. The things he's done, how happy he is to be back home, to be back in his own bed. He also went to see his family, some of his friends took him to dinner as well.

It was really a kick in the face for me because it showed me how unproductive I've been.

"Hey, it's just me." Peyton says as she walks in.

It must be four in the afternoon now. Her first visit is around nine in the morning then her second one is after she gets off work which is around four.

"Your mail is on the kitchen island."

Oh yeah that's another thing, I haven't said a single word since I've been home.

"Why don't you try to take a shower? It's going on to day five now since you've been back. I'll help you. You know I don't mind." Peyton offers.

It sounds nice, I can tell my hair needs to be washed and the oils I put in it for my curls.

"Come on." She throws the covers off of me. "It's time to shower." She states.

This is going to take so much out of me.

As I stand in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I can't help but feel disgusted with what I'm looking at.

"Okay, I've got some comfy clothes for you to put on afterwards I also grabbed your hair stuff." She says as she puts it all down on the counter. "I'm not entirely sure how this is going to work but we'll figure it out as we go."

Oh god. I regret getting up.

I don't say anything, I don't do anything, I just stand there. Looking at myself, which I wouldn't even consider what I'm seeing myself because I don't recognize that person looking back at me.

She first starts with taking my necklace off, putting it down on the ring dish. She then takes my hair down, once down she puts the hair tie on the counter.

"I'm going to take off your shirt and shorts now, is that okay?" She asks for my consent.

"You don't have to say a word, just give me a head nod or you can sign it to me. Whatever feels best." She adds.

I nod my head.

Once she sees I'm okay with it she starts taking it off.

Once my shirt is off I cover myself with my arms, I know I don't have to hide from her. I guess it's just a natural reaction.

The water felt nice on my skin. That's about all I could tell you from that experience.

I sit down on my mushroom style seat to let Peyton do my hair.

As she combs through my hair she rambles about things. "It's supposed to snow sometime next week, I don't think it will." I didn't listen to much of it. I kept thinking of what my life could've been.