𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝑹𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒚 {Slow Updates}

•|𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 8|•

LILY-ROSE

TW⚠️: SH

So being the stupid person I am, it slipped my mind that I have no sleeping pills with me because I took the last one three days ago - or was it four?

I don't even remember the last night I had a full sleep, which brings me here now. It's 4 am and I'm lying in this queen-sized bed looking through the window.

What am I doing? Why did I agree to this stupidity? I've always known that I do not fit in large groups, frankly, I don't fit anywhere unless I'm alone.

The sky had a beautiful shade of blue, it was almost sunrise and that was one of my favorite things to see so I get up and quickly wash my face and brush this bird's nest that I call hair then make my way to the window.

Oh, it's actually tempting...

Why don't we jump? How long will it take to reach the ground?

Oh shut up you stupid consciousness I'm not going to jump, the edge is large enough for me to sit on and see the colors merging together.

How I wanted to capture this view and cherish it forever, alas I don't have any art supplies here so I can't really draw or paint anything.

I don't know for how long I've been sitting here but the sound of my door opening breaks me out of my thoughts.

"Rose- oh my god trésor what are you doing there? Please get down you'll hurt yourself" Azrael was the one coming to get me, I could see the concern and fear and in his eyes, he probably thought I was escaping or jumping off.

"I was just admiring the sunrise, I'm not jumping off if that's what you were thinking," I said while getting out of there and putting my shoes on

"You almost gave me a heart attack my child, please don't do anything like that again," he said

"Spare me the loving father act, Mr.Knight. I'll be down in a few minutes" saying this I turned and headed to the washroom to try and hide any bruises and see what happened to the mess on my back.

I released a breath once I heard him close the door of my room indicating that he went down, looking at my reflection, it was as if I was able to see through the layers of well-blended waterproof foundation and concealer.

I could see the purplish blue veins under my eyes, the large bruise that I know by the time being is still black on my jaw. But most importantly, I could vividly see the mismatched colors of my eyes even behind the dull brown lenses.

Wanting to see my real eyes I take off my contacts, looking at my lifeless blue and green eyes, I can't help but remember all the words that my birth giver and her lowlife boyfriend said about me being a freak because of my eyes. I remember how long I used to cry because of that and all the nights I spent cursing myself for being different to the point where I decided to hide my eyes once and for all the day I turned 10.

Snatching my eyes away from the mirror, I started stripping and quickly got under the shower.
God how much I regret taking off the contacts, my memories came rushing back of all the self-hatred I drowned myself in when I was back there.

My skin started itching and I recognized that feeling all too well, I didn't even try to resist it this time. I picked up the razor that was on the stool and took off the blade in it, the flaming hot droplets of water created an abundance of fog in the shower. I didn't even mind looking where I was cutting or how many I was making, I just wanted to snap out of my trance... 

You're an abomination
You're a devil's child
No wonder your father throw you out
A worthless freak 

No ... NO ...NO GOD NO !! PLEASE STOP !!!

Just kill yourself already
It's all your fault
You deserve to suffer
You are unworthy of love
Who would love a freak 

Please ... please stop! I'm sorry I'll be good, I'll be good please I'll be good just please stop ...

The water blended with my tears, I was a sobbing mess but I just wanted the voices to stop. Dropping on my knees to the ground, I let the blade go and clutched my head trying desperately to stop the voices.
The water falling was painted crimson and I could slightly feel the tingling of the hot water on the fresh cuts on my arms.
I started feeling again, slowly I could feel the burning water on my bruised body, and I started getting my senses back. I turned off the water and kept sitting there trying to get my breathing back to normal. It suddenly hit me that the bios are waiting for me downstairs, I quickly rinse the blood and stand to get dressed. Waves of dizziness hit me like a tonne of bricks and I had to steady myself on the door of my bathroom, it took a moment but I was able to ground myself back.

Getting dressed, I kept in mind to come back again after breakfast to fix my wounds. Picking up my phone I walk down the stairs quietly.
Reaching the dining hall, I didn't even place a foot that one of the assholes had to voice his unnecessary opinion.

"About damn time you show up, we don't have all day to wait for you stupide pute" of course Ryder couldn't keep his mouth shut

Ignoring him I walk towards my seat but instead, I was tackled to the ground

That hurts like a bitch! When the hell will my body heal if this sort of shit keeps happening

"SHIT HE'S GONNA BITE HER !!"
"ELIAS KEEP YOUR FUCKING DOG ON A LEECH !"
"Well maybe Hades will help us get rid of her easily"

I was still laying on the ground when someone came and grabbed my hand, I'm grateful they didn't touch my shoulders. Looking up I saw it was Ezekiel, he was looking down at me with a soft look in his eyes and a tiny smile. I don't know why I can't bring myself to hate him, he looks gentle or maybe it's only my imagination.

Apparently, I was tackled by a dog, standing up I get him off me and try to get on my feet without the help of Ezekiel.

"Rose, are you okay? Did Hades hurt you?" Logan said approaching me

Yeah apart from my already damaged back nothing hurts

"No, I'm fine"

Turning toward the table and taking my seat I feel Hades following me. Huh, who would've thought that the Doberman would love me before his owner?

Shut up we don't want their love or their acceptance

Deciding to play it dumb I look towards the bios while taking my seat and scratching behind Hades' ears

"So who's dog is that? I don't think any of you has the guts to train such a breed "

"As if you know anything about dogs! Did you ever even raise one before instead of talking?"
Elias said the moment I finished my speech like he was just waiting for me to talk.

"So I guess it's your dog then" was all I said and then took my seat with Hades still next to me.