Let's Find Forever | Herophine Fic

Year 1

HERO

First light drifts through the crack in the curtains to my left while I rock gently back and forth in the nursing chair. I've been in Sydney's nursery now for a few hours, laying awake as she couldn't sleep. Jo tried to feed her and nurse her back to sleep in our room but she didn't want that. We changed her, cuddled her, wandered around with her but nothing we did seemed to do anything. To give Jo a break and so she could catch some sleep, I brought her into the nursery and have sat in the chair since.

I'm exhausted, this is only one of two partially sleepless nights where she's seemingly broken her routine but I've been here before and can catch up on sleep during the day. Jo's been feeling more herself now after Sydney's traumatic birth and I don't want to hinder that progress, so I'll take the exhaustion.

Since I came in here, both of us have found the surroundings somewhat calming and I find greater comfort in that I'm right next to the letter that brought me and Jo together. Jo still hasn't realised it's in here yet, she's not been in here often enough to notice but she will, I'm sure. The one thing I want when that happens though is to be in here with her. It's one of my most valuable tangible possessions, something I'll never, ever get rid of.

This time last year, I'd not met Jo in person. I'd still not crept up on her in Clayhill Park. I'll never forget that, watching her aimlessly meander, looking for me when in fact I was already there. Even then, in our first moments together, there was a gravitational pull drawing me towards Jo and Jo to me. The way my arm fit perfectly around her waist as I turned her towards me should have indicated just how perfect we'd be together. Small things like that make all the difference.

But no, this time last year, we were only talking through our phones. We'd just been texting and calling one another with the odd FaceTime dropped in there too. Like two teenagers in high school, or something. But that's what it felt like. The rush and excitement she brought back into my life when I met her threw me back to my high school years. Butterflies constantly danced in my belly whenever I thought about her. Perhaps I didn't realise it fully then but I'm pretty sure it was a love-at-first-sight notion. Like a first love all over again.

And this time last year, Jo was helping me massively to get through one of the hardest days of my life. Aside from Sara's death day and funeral, that is. The day I'm referring to was emotional for completely different reasons, Sara's absence tingeing it, of course. But this time last year, she helped me through Mila's first day at school. Or going into big girl school as she still calls it.

I remember it like yesterday. I remember her standing proudly in her uniform for the first time at the top of the stairs and all the emotions running riot inside me. Don't get me wrong, primarily, I felt happiness and pride, seeing her ready and raring to go. But it was heavily stained with Sara's absence. At that point, I couldn't imagine sharing anything with anyone other than Sara. She gave me Mila. But what I didn't know at that point was how possible it was - or is - to feel so much for someone else.

Sara was my first love and gave me my darling daughter, Mila. But Jo is my perfectly placed forever love and honestly, hand on heart, I wouldn't change anything. Like Mila said last year, Sara will have known and shared her first day at school with us in her own way.

I didn't know what I was going to do with myself when I was alone at home. I was so used to having Mila there with me when I wasn't training, so much so that before looking at schools I contemplated a private tutor for her. But if I did, I'd be depriving her and she's thrived at school and loves it. It would have been selfish of me to keep her at home with me. As much as I don't want to admit it, she's growing up too fast. So fast it's hard to keep up but me and Jo are there to help guide her and with Jo there, holding her hand with me she won't go far wrong.