Haunted (Alastor X Reader)

Chapter 34

(A/n: *kicks the door in* OKAY. I have tissues, comfy blankets, some chocolate milk and some juice; I underestimated the amount of feels in the last chapter and I have come prepared this time if anyone needs them.
(TW ⚠️ self-destructive behavior, slight gore and mention of suicide.)
Before we get started, I want to gently remind everyone that I love you dearly (if people can hate strangers, then I can love strangers. So yes, you are loved.) You are valid, seen, and so are your emotions. And you are worth so much to this world even if you don't see it, I'm always rooting for you all.)

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The night that followed your last conversation was more than Alastor could handle.

As he manifested back to his manor in Hell, all that greeted him was the deafening silence of his loneliness.

He missed you already.

He shouldn't be here right now.

He should be at your place, laying in your bed. He should be holding you close to him, kissing you, tickling you, cuddling you... Hearing your laughter, basking in your love. This wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Once it dawned on him that this was his new normal for a while, coming home to nobody, until you decided you were ready to have that conversation with him; he was unable to shield himself from the unfathomable heartache he felt.

And it brought him right down to his knees in the foyer of his house.

He hollered, he screamed until his vocal chords were positively fucked; he banged his fists into the oak hardwood floor as he collapsed into a puddle of self-pity and shame. There was no slowing the cascade of tears streaming down his face, no calming the storm that wreaked havoc in his heart. He felt warm as adrenaline violently surged through every cell in his body. He saw nothing but red. Alastor was not quite used to such raw emotion. Intense grief was so unfamiliar to the stag, save for when his Mother passed away- he knew of no way to cope. Healthily, that is.

You think you deserved her? His thoughts nagged at him. She's too good for you.

"I... I wanted to try..." he sobbed.

You think she would love a monster?

"But I wasn't a monster, to her... I would have done anything to keep her safe..."

And yet she got hurt anyway. That's how 'good' your love is worth, isn't it?

"Stop it.."

You're a fool.

"Enough!"

This is all your fault.

"FUCK~!" He shouted into the air, gripping his hair and tightly shutting his eyes.

"Y/n I'm sorry! I'm just so sorry..." he sniveled. Begging to the silence, his eyes desolate and dim as he blinked away misty tears that blurred his vision. He never felt so empty and yet so heavy all at the same time. Desperate to hear your voice in return but was only met with the sound of his own. Echoing through the walls and reverberating back as if it was mocking him. "You're my best friend, you're the best part of my day, I want you back! Please, Y/n..."

He knelt there on the floor, curled up for more time than he could keep track of. Maybe it was 20 minutes, maybe it was hours. He lay there and just cried until he physically couldn't anymore. All he knew was when he begrudgingly pulled himself back up he could see the small puddle of tears that had collected on the floor. He decided to move his pity-party upstairs to his room and take a shower; try to wash some of his despair away, and try to feel something warm and comforting.