Pretend (Harry Styles) - Book 3

Chapter 56: Seven Words

Physical pain to mask emotional pain.

This is how emotionally unstable I am right now. How askew my thinking is.

I take a deep breath, trying to reel myself back in. Trying to find the strength I'd become so proud of having.

I'm not the girl I used to be.

"Ava..." Poppy's hand rests on my thigh, bringing my attention to her. "Talk to me. What happened?"

"I-I don't even know really." I wipe my eyes with my fingertips. "It all happened so fast. I... I just wanted to stay there. He wouldn't let me."

"And that upset you." She states as more of a fact then a question.

I only nod in response.

"Love, you know why you couldn't stay. He's only trying to protect you." She tries to reason with me softly.

"I know that. I'm just... This is so hard Poppy. All of this..."

"I know."

"But you don't." I argue. "You don't. It's all become so much. I can't even leave the apartment without someone calling me a whore or slut. I'm getting actual hate mail now. A couple days ago some girl yelled at me that she hoped my baby would die."

"She what?!" Poppy's whole body stiffens. "If you see her again Ava, I swear I'll..."

"That's not the point." I cut off her rant. "It's just one thing in this whole stream of horrible things I have to deal with every single day. And... It felt like he didn't even want me to stay."

"You know he does Ava."

"Does he?" I question, finally looking her in the eye. "I don't even know anymore."

"What do you mean? You're not talking like yourself right now. Harry loves you. It's almost annoying how much the lad fawns over you."

"Things are different now."

"How so?"

"They just are." I huff, not wanting to explain myself.

Not wanting to rehash everything Harry and I fought about only hours ago.

Not wanting to think about the phone calls that have gotten shorter and shorter. How our once long talks have turned into just basic pleasantries.

I tell him I'm fine when I'm trying not to cry. He tells me he's fine when I can clearly hear the tiredness in his voice.

We're both fine.

Except we aren't.

We're struggling. And no matter how much we didn't want to admit it, we finally did.

I know I was being overly emotional. The stress of the situation and hormones making me say things I never would.

They were true, but under normal circumstances I would of kept them to myself.

It was shocking how quickly us bickering over me staying turned into a very serious fight.

I never knew, or at least let myself acknowledge the resentment I felt.

The words slipped past my lips before I even realized.

This... Everything we were going through was because of him being who he was. And the unfairness of it made me angry at him. Even though he couldn't help it, I blamed him.

I could see the hurt on his face when he heard how I really felt. But his hurt quickly turned into anger that mirrored my own.

It was like a dull knife was stuck in my chest when he said the seven words I don't think I can ever forget.

'You weren't even supposed to get pregnant.'

He realized as soon as the words left his lips. His mouth dropping open in shock just like mine.

I know we were both upset. Both saying things in the heat of the moment.

But it killed me to hear it.

He stumbled over his words after that, trying to explain himself. Even though he knew he couldn't.

There was a reason he said what he did. There was a reason I said the things I did.

Everything, all these emotions and stress had been building up. We kept everything inside, neither of us wanting to make things harder then they already were.

But there's only so long you can keep everything pent up. Only so long before everything falls apart.

"Ava..." Poppy speaks quietly, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Everyone fights. You lot are under so much pressure, you were bound to have a proper tiff at some point. But you'll get past it. You two have been through rough times before, you'll make it past this."

"We didn't though." I shake my head, wiping yet another tear off my cheek. "We didn't make it past it. We're done."

"What? You.. How? You broke up? Ava... You didn't!"

I stand up, not being able to hear anymore. "I'm going to bed. If he shows up... I don't want to see him."

"Love..."

"Don't." I shake my head adamantly. "I can't right now. I just can't alright?"

Poppy gives me a sympathetic nod before I head down the hallway towards my room.

I immediately slide into bed, not even bothering to change into my pajamas.

I can't handle it. The simplest thing, changing my clothes... I can't handle it.

I can't handle anything.

All I can do is lay in the dark, hearing the same seven words play over and over again in my mind.

Breaking my heart each and every time they do.

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Hey guys. Am so so sorry it's taken me so long to update. Had some major personal issues to deal with this past week, and it made me unable to give any attention to Hava.
I've literally rewritten this chapter about six times trying to get it good enough for you guys. My mind still isn't quite in the right place for writing. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint. I'm looking forward to having a little more free coming up that I can devote to writing some good chapters for you guys. Thanks to all you who checked up on me this week. You really wouldn't believe how much that meant to me. :)