Pretend (Harry Styles) - Book 3

Chapter 36: "Things will be different..."

20 Weeks Along

-Harry's POV-

The sound of water running greets my ears the second I walk into my childhood bedroom.

Everything was going so well. We had a great day, hell the past three days have been ace. Just being around her makes me happy.

But something's wrong. She pulled away from me in the car, barely spoke to me at dinner, and went right upstairs when we got back to my mums.

Thankfully Ava has never been one to let on in front of others when she's upset with me. She smiled at dinner, laughed along with the rest of us, even let me hold her hand for a bit.

No one else had a clue she was sore with me. She claimed she was tired when we'd stepped inside the house and said goodnight to everyone with a hug and a smile.

I love that about her. She won't fight in front of anyone else. She doesn't tell everyone about my fuck ups. She's private, which is exactly what I need.

It's hard for her to share her feelings with even me. To express herself. It took her so long to even admit she fancied me, even longer to profess she loved me. Getting her to talk when she's upset isn't an easy task.

I understand why she's the way she is. After how her parents and Scott treated her most of her life. But it's still aggravating as hell.

I can't fix it if she won't talk to me. I can't fix it if I really have no idea what I've done.

Which is why I don't hesitate to step inside the bathroom the second I've my boots and shirt pulled off.

Steam fills the small room, making the clear glass walls of the shower unable to see through.

I lean against the counter, trying to decide what to say to her when I hear her softly crying. I hate that sound. Knowing she's hurting. Hate it.

"Av...you alright?" I ask gently.

"Y-yeah." She speaks up, her voice cracking a bit. "I'm fine."

"Love..." I step in front of the shower door, "Then why're you crying?"

"I... I don't know." Her voice is so small I barely hear it.

But the words hit me hard, causing a paint to shoot through my chest.

I pull open the door without a second thought, Ava's eyes shooting up to meet mine.

They're red, a little swollen. The site nearly guts me.

"Baby... Can I come in?" My eyes plead with her to not turn me away.

I couldn't leave her like this. She knows I couldn't.

She nods, looking away from me as she realizes I have a full view of her naked body. She's embarrassed by it but I have no bloody clue how she could be. She's perfect.

I hastily tug the rest of my clothes off before stepping under the hot water with her and shutting the door after me.

The second I pull her to me she cries harder.

Her small frame fits perfectly into my arms as I tighten them around her. Relief hitting me as she lays her head against my chest. Letting me support her as she cries.

I love being there for her. Being the one who comforts her. But I hate being the reason she needs it.

"I'm sorry." She whimpers.

"Hey... Hey." I grasp her shoulders, holding her far enough away from me I can look over her face. "You've nothing to be sorry for. Nothing."

"I do. I'm just.. I'm so upset and I feel awful.."

"You sick?"

"No." She shakes her head. "I was mad.. when you told that pap about us.."

"Go on." I urge her.

"We just hadn't talked about it and then you told him.. It just felt like another decision you made without me..."

"Av, baby I'm sorry..." I cut her off,
"I shouldn't of done that. You're right."

"You didn't let me finish." She sniffles, "I was upset and it's just... It doesn't matter. Not really. I mean... It's a silly thing for me to make such a big deal out of."

I sigh, looking down at her. "Don't think you made a big deal out of anything. I knew something was wrong so I was worried.. But no, not holding my hand and being a bit quiet around me for the past three hours definitely isn't making a big deal of it."

"I just... I feel awful and I so upset at myself and just upset in general and I shouldn't be so upset. I'm not like this."

"You're pregnant. Think you've a good excuse for it."

"I'm sorry." She frowns as she wipes her eyes.

"Love don't." I push her wet hair off her shoulders and cup her face, "I'm sorry. Shouldn't of told him without us talking about it. Wasn't right."

"Everyone knows anyway." She shrugs.

She's right, it's fairly obvious she's pregnant. But it wasn't right of me to not run that by her first.

If I'd actually stop and think before I run my mouth... I wouldn't of said anything to him.

I've made so many decisions without her. Ones that have affected both of us. And no doubt my little revelation today is going to affect her.

She'll be followed even more now. At least till the story is old news. Paps will harass her every time she goes out in public, reporters will show up at the flat. Even the fans will probably give her a hard time.

Ignoring the questions and denying everything was working well for us. It was keeping everyone somewhat uninterested. But me right out saying she was not only pregnant but that we were also married is going to cause an uproar.

I can't believe I didn't fucking think before I spoke. She doesn't need all that shite right now. Not when she's pregnant and we're apart. Not when I can't be here with her.

And I can't be. She can't keep following me all over the world. She only has a few more weeks till the doctor said she needs to stop flying till after the baby is born.

Which means we'll have no choice but to be apart. And I'll have no way to keep her safe.

She'll be with Poppy most of the time while I'm finishing the tour.

Poppy dealing with pushy paps, nosy reporters, and unhappy fans sounds like a recipe for disaster. She'd most likely end up getting into a proper scrap with someone. Which would only lead to more stress for Ava.

And stress is something she needs as little of as possible. Something she gets more then enough of dealing with my shit.

I close my eyes, shaking my head at myself.

This has got to stop.

If something happened to her or the baby cause of my actions upsetting her...
I couldn't fucking live with myself.

I open my eyes as I feel Ava's arms wrap around my waist. She deserves so much better.

"No more..." I press a kiss to her forehead. "From now on we decide that sort of thing together. That's how it should be. That's how I want it to be."

I pull her into my chest once again, loving the feel of her body against mine.

"Things will be different... Better. I'll take care of you.."

"I know you will." She replies quietly.

"Yeah... But I'll do it right this time. Swear it."

She doesn't respond.

I don't know if it's cause she knows I will do right by her or if she fully expects me to muck up again.

But I won't.

I can't.

Not if I want to keep her.

And I'm going to keep her. No matter what.

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