Pretend (Harry Styles) - Book 3

Chapter 47: "It will be worth it."

23 Weeks Along

-Ava's POV-

"Wh-what?" I choke out, feeling my heart literally stop in my chest.

Harry nods to himself, staring at his feet as he paces the room. "Yeah... It would work. It would... yeah."

"I can't believe you're saying this." I shake my head, my heart breaking. "I just signed the marriage papers two weeks ago and now you're wanting a divorce?"

"A divorce? What?" Harry's head snaps up, his eyes widened.

"No. No." He quickly makes his way back over to me, grabbing my hand. "I don't want us to get divorced. Fuck Av, don't even say something like that."

"But you..."

"Not what I meant. At all." His face looks pained I would even think such a thing. "I'm spending my life with you love. You're stuck with me. No way out of it. Divorce? Ava no.. That's not what I meant. Jesus love."

"You said I could stop being your wife."

"I did. Didn't mean for real though. I meant we could... pretend."

"Pretend?"

"Yeah. If everyone thinks we are together they won't keep bothering you. You won't be the news story everyone wants. It could work Ava. All this shite would go away. You could be safe. Our baby could be safe."

"You think they'll just leave me alone so quickly?"

"Yeah." He replies honestly. "If the baby isn't mine."

"What?"

"Yeah... Yeah." He nods, narrowing his eyes in thought. "Even if we weren't together you'd still be carrying my baby. But if you weren't... the story ends there."

"This is crazy Harry."

"Crazy enough to work. It is. You know it is. They'll leave you be. No more getting followed or talked about. No more stress."

"And you think us breaking up is going to lesson my stress?" I ask, still not believing what I'm hearing.

"We won't be breaking up. Ever." He shakes his head adamantly. "It will only seem like we have. This will work... Has to."

"But I don't know what I would do if I couldn't talk to you every day and if I couldn't..."

"Av..." Harry presses a quick kiss to my temple. "Of course we'll still talk."

"But we wouldn't get to see each other. For at least four months." I point out the horrible truth.

"Well we could... I mean... Dunno. Didn't really think of that. Not very easy for me to sneak away. Fuck." He groans, running his hands over his face as he plops down into a chair.

"I can't be without you that long." He sighs. "This is all such a proper mess. I don't know what to do. I just... I want you both safe. This can't happen again love."

"I know." I agree quietly.

I hate where this is headed, even though I know it has to be this way. There's no way around it.

Harry's already tried asking the fans and paps to leave me alone. That it was putting the baby and I in danger. Somehow that just made things worse.

"We can't lose our baby Ava."

"You're right.. This is what we have to do."

"Am I? I don't feel like I am in the least. This whole idea is fucked up. I just don't see any other way. Do you?"

"No. I can't lose another baby. I wouldn't..." I close my eyes, trying to push the thought of losing Maddie away.

"Love..." Harry stands up, taking a seat on the edge of my bed and wrapping his arms around me. "You won't. We won't be losing our little girl. Promise."

I rest my head on his chest, getting comfort from the warmth of his body and his arms around me.

Then I realize if we do this, he won't be there to give me comfort. He won't be there at all.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this without you. Without seeing you." I sniffle.

"I know." His voice cracks as he holds me tighter. "Can't be thinking about that. We're doing this for our baby. This is the right thing to do, no matter how fucked up it seems. This is the only way I can take care of you both."

"Maybe time will go by quickly." I lie to try to convince not only Harry but myself. "And what's a few months? Not much when you consider we'll have the rest of our lives right?"

Harry lets go of me, gripping my chin gently so I'll look up at him.

"You've no idea how much I love you Av." He smiles sadly at me. "So sorry about all of this. All I want is to take care of you.. Of you both. And yet again I'm mucking everything up."

"It's not your fault. I know if you could change it you could."

"Yeah..." He sighs, looking over my face. "But the only thing I can change is you being with me. Which is the only thing I don't want to change. I don't... fuck.. it's gonna bloody well kill me not seeing you."

Harry leans down, pressing his lips against mine. I savor everything about him, knowing I'll be without it for far to long. The feel of his lips, the sound of his breathing, the scent of his skin. I clutch onto his shirt and pull him closer as his hands cup my face. Both of us showing what words are unable to.

I love you... I'll miss you...

I could say those two sentences over and over yet they would seem empty compared to how I really feel. How much I really love him. How much I'll really miss him.

My bottom lip is lightly tugged between Harry's teeth before he dives in, kissing me more deeply. Pressing his body against mine. A long deep kiss turning into several small pecks before our lips part and he looks in my eyes.

"So beautiful..." He smiles at me softly.

"Harry..." I bite my lip, refusing to let myself cry. I know I'll be doing it for days, no more like weeks after he leaves.

"Love you so much baby. You know that yeah?"

I nod, "And I love you. So so much."

His thumb runs across my lower lip, pulling it from it's place in-between my teeth. "You're so strong Ava. Strongest person I've ever known. We'll get through this. And when we do... we'll have a beautiful baby girl. It will be worth it."

I pull him towards me for another kiss and he doesn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around my waist.

Being away from him will be so hard. But he's right. If this is the only way to give our baby a chance, the only way for her to be healthy and strong... then we don't have a choice. No matter how much we both hate it, this is what has to be done.

And that's what I have to focus on. Now and in the months to come.

Giving birth to our baby girl with Harry finally at my side. Without a doubt, it will be worth it.

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