Pretend (Harry Styles) - Book 3

Chapter 28: Confused

18 Weeks Along

-Harry's POV-

I stare out the large windows, watching the plane lift off.

She was gone.

After comforting me. Her arms wrapped around me in the shower, knowing without a word why I was upset.

After kissing me when I turned around and pulled her into my chest.

After telling me she loved me.

After letting me hold her all night long.

She was gone.

We'd talked. Laid awake for hours in bed. I knew I'd hurt her, but I didn't realize how much.

I never thought... never once considered how she could compare our marriage to her previous one.

Everything about her marriage to Scott was a complete lie. Even one small part of ours being one... how could it not break her heart?

If I thought I'd hated myself before, loathed myself for what I'd done. It didn't compare to how I felt when she'd told me that.

She knew I loved her. Knew it was different, that we were different.

But she trusted me, same as she trusted him. And we'd both lied.

I'd held her as she cried against my chest.

I don't quite understand it. One moment she was angry at me, upset. Pushing me away from her. The next she was clutching onto me, needing my arms around her.

I'd been the one who hurt her, yet I was the one she wanted comfort from.

We'd ended the night exhausted. Both spent from saying every thought that came into our heads. Her's mostly filled with hurt, mine mostly filled with apologies.

By the time we'd fallen asleep I thought things were better. We'd talked through it. Cried through it. And ended up wrapped together, saying I love you before we fell asleep.

When we woke up, both our eyes were swollen. Red from the night before. But she was more beautiful then ever. Pressed against my chest, looking up at me with a soft smile on her face.

I couldn't stop myself from kissing her. All the emotions from the night before washing over me, but only one standing out. Only one taking precedence in my mind.

Love.

She didn't push me away, she pulled me closer. Her lips sealing with mine, both of us desperate to feel each other.

Within moments I was on top of her, pushing into her slowly. Neither of us could keep quiet. Neither of us lasted long.

It was the same as it always was with Ava. The way it's never been with anyone else. The conversation we have when our bodies are one, the conversation where we don't say anything at all... It says more then words ever could.

She knew I loved her, more then anything. I'd fucked up again, but she knew I loved her.

And I knew she loved me. The way she gave herself to me, without hesitation. Not being able to hold me close enough. It proved it.

When we were finally able to peel ourselves away from each other, I'd ordered breakfast. The smile on my face so big my cheeks hurt.

We were good.

When she'd started to pack her bag I was shocked, my grin fading instantly. She was still leaving.

After talking. After working things out. After spending another night together. After making love.

She was still leaving.

I was so confused. Stumbling over my words as she walked about the room gathering her things.

She didn't understand why I would expect her to stay. I couldn't fathom why she thought I'd think any differently.

We'd fixed things. I'd thought last night we'd fixed things. I thought this morning proved it.

I was wrong. She was still hurt. She still hadn't forgiven me. She was still leaving.

I didn't know what to say to her as I drove her to the airport. As I walked her to the gate.

I wanted to ask her why. Why did she have sex with me, again, if she hadn't forgiven me? I wanted to tell her I was so confused. I needed to know where we were.

But I couldn't. I didn't deserve to ask questions.

So all I said was I'd miss her and that I love her. To call me when she landed.

She barely said a word in response. Not promising to call me like I'd asked. Which meant it could be days... weeks before I'd hear from her again.

After a quick hug she was gone.

I was like a bloody statue, watching her plane get taxied to the runway. Watching it lift off.

Wishing I'd of said I love you one more time. Wishing I'd made plans to go and see her.

Wishing I'd of held her for just a few more minutes.

Wishing I'd maybe told her... I felt like she was playing with my emotions.

Cause it was the truth.

The truth was what she wanted.

And it fucking hurt.

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