You Never Know When It's Going To Happen...

17: Drunk at night

(A/N) This chapter talks about cutting.

If this subject triggers you in some way, and you don't want to read please skip the parts marked with ***

This chapter also has a small smut scene.

Hope you enjoy it!

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Tuesday
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I pulled myself from my thoughts to take another huge drink of vodka.

They made me stop drinking 9 months ago. But I started drinking again a few weeks before my dad left for rehab.

Because I have it under control now.

If I plan to leave the house I only take two shots to keep myself calm. If I'm home I only take one shot every hour until I fall asleep. And I only drink at home. I don't take it with me, even if I want to.

And DO NOT drink excessively.

Except now. Because who cares anymore.

When I used to drink, it's was always excessive because I don't know how to stop myself. I just want everything else to stop.

You'd think because my father is a drunk, that I wouldn't drink. But I think that's why I liked to drink. I want to feel the same numbing effects he gets too.

Why should he be the only one?

Drinking until you black out, puts so much strain on your body though. Especially when you do it as excessively as I can.

I stop eating. I can't even make it through an entire day of school without drinking from the water bottle in my purse full of vodka. I become irritable, and I don't want to be around anyone. I snap at my father instead of avoiding him. Then he would hit me.

I found out the hard way that getting beat was not getting me anywhere.

After I ran back into Kaitlynn, we started spending more time together. I'd come over and drink with them and smoke. We'd all go to parties.

Eventually Eric saw how bad I was doing. How often I'd be drunk. And helped me stop drinking. Which was really hard.

But not as hard as being sober.