Your Eyes Tell

2.🔞

3rd Person POV

     "It's okay. You're okay." YoonGi was pacing back and forth with a lit cigarette, smoking in his boyfriend, Jay's room. A disgusting habit he picked up while dating Jay. He only smoked when he was stressed and trying to calm his nerves. "Shit!!" He yelled as he gripped his hair in his hands, sliding down to the floor, his back against the wall. He could hear Jay pounding on the door. "Babe... Open the fucking door Yoongs." Jay was angry.

     YoonGi quickly wiped the few tears that had began to fall from his eyes, he took a couple deep breaths, and put his cigarette out in the ash tray on the desk. He walked over to the door and unlocked it. As soon as the door was unlocked Jay was shoving YoonGi against the wall. Jay was 2in. shorter than YoonGi but he was strong. Looking YoonGi in the eyes he asked in a low voice, "Why the fuck do you think you can lock me out of my room?" "What the fuck Jay?" YoonGi attempted to push Jay off of him but he had him pinned by his wrists. Jay smirked at YoonGi knowing he had the younger pinned. He began sucking on YoonGi's neck leaving a trail of rather large hickeys.

     "Jay stop!" YoonGi squirmed against Jay trying to get away. Jay quickly pulled YoonGi away from the wall shoving him back onto the bed. "Baby boy we went out tonight to have fun. You ruined that for me tonight." Jay stood up looking down on YoonGi and with a stern voice said, "Go to bed. I'm going back out. You better be here when I get back." Jay then walked out of the room and a minute later out the front door slamming it closed behind him.

YoonGi's POV

     "What in the actual fuck?" Looking across the room I catch my reflection in the mirror. "Fuck. I look like hell." 'Did he really have to leave such large dark hickeys? He really just left me here while he goes back out to the club.'

'You're not good enough to be seen with him.'

'No. He loves me. He said he loves me.'

'You had a panic attack at the club and you definitely saw his hands grabbing someone else's ass.'

'Maybe I saw it wrong.'

'Maybe he's ready to move on? Do you really think he won't leave you?'

'He won't.'

'He will. Your parents abandoned you. All your old friends from before cut you off years ago. Your fans all mostly think your cold and prefer the other members.'

'Stop.'

'You know its all true.'

     "Fuck." I wipe the tear that had slipped from my eye away. 'He will leave. Everyone leaves. What am I doing? Why am I still here. We've been fighting more and more. Does he even love me?' YoonGi's demons were back to play. 'I guess I'll shower and go to bed.'

     'Damn. I need to set my alarm for tomorrow. Dance practice.' "Ugh..." 'Learning the new choreography. Shit. I turned my phone off after I left the gc. The guys are probably mad. I was so short with them. I just didn't want to have to explain anything to them. Its my problem. Not theirs.'

3rd Person POV

     YoonGi grabbed some sweat pants, a white t-shirt, and a clean pair of boxer briefs and headed into the bathroom to shower. He turned the water on and as he waited for the water to reach the right temperature his mind kept wandering. His hands started to shake and he started to wish he was back home with his brothers (the members) Jin would of made dinner, they all would of watched a movie, Jimin and Hobi would of been cuddled up together, and he wouldn't be here wishing for a shiny silver blade to slice across his very light complected inner thigh. He already had scars from before and it had been a few years since his last cut but... He was in such a good place before they went into the military and even though the group served together he started struggling again with depression and his toxic inner thoughts. After the military he was physically stronger but mentally he was struggling, again. He thought Jay would be good for him. It was great at first but the last couple months has just brought back all his insecurities, anxiety, and the urge to cut again.

     He hasn't talked to any of his brothers (members) about it because he feels its his problem to solve he doesn't want to burden them. He has struggled so much with his mental health since he was a teen and he just didn't want to bring the others down with him. YoonGi inhaled deeply then stripped and seeing his figure in the mirror he grew even more insecure, he quickly got into the shower washed up and got out. He dried off, got dressed and while he dried his hair a little more with the towel he grew even more frustrated at the sight of each, now even darker purple hickeys trailing from his jaw down to his collar bone. No longer wanting to see his own face he decided not to blow dry his hair and went to bed.