Morgan

Chapter Twenty Three- Starting over

"Mom" Jamie called repeatedly.

I snap out of my vacant stare and turn to her "yes my love"

She comes over and slips onto the couch beside me "are you okay" she asks.

I put on my best fake smile "of course... come here" I say reaching for her as she shuffles up and into my embrace.

"You don't seem yourself mom" she says as I kiss her forehead, running my fingers softly over her brow.

"I'm not but I will be ... it's been a weird few weeks" I confess honestly.

She looks up to me with her big blues "did you and Leah break up"

I bite the flesh of my inner cheek with my teeth, trying to stifle the way Leah's name now brought such sorrow. A metallic taste of blood hit my tongue as my teeth pierced the flesh gripped between them. I finally answer with honesty "Yes. We aren't together anymore" perhaps the first time I had confessed it since it happened, because I had been actively ignoring calls from Lydia, from family, calls from Teddy, and calls from my friends. I would however be shortly faced with most of them in the flesh, returning to school tomorrow, and a family meal in the evening for Lydia's birthday this week. It would be time to face the music, and add another failed string to my Cupid's bow.

"I'm sorry mom" Jamie says, and she looks me over like she's checking I'm not falling apart.

I smile and reassure her "I'm going to be just fine my love. Your Mom is made of strong stuff... and I don't need anyone other than you three"

She snuggles into my side "you better get to bed" I say looking up to the clock on the wall "it's ten".

Asher and Gage had long been in bed, ready for the return of school in the morning.

"Okay" she agrees. She sits up and kisses my cheek "see you in the morning" she says, standing and padding away in bare feet.

"Love you Jameson" I call after her.

"Love you mom" she throws back from the hallway.

The last few weeks had been strange. Annie had brought the kids home early, she said they should start their new school term here and we should work toward them staying at the one school. There wouldn't be any more of the half yearly bullshit. I was thrown by Annie's sudden change of heart. She had dropped them here, quite without fuss, kissed them goodbye, not stayed to chat, and not made any inappropriate remarks or tried to touch me. It had been a perfect handover, and I was disarmed by it instantly. Why was she being so distant, but also exactly how I had wanted her to be for a year, co parenting only. Between Annie pulling away finally and Leah disappearing from my life over night it all felt a little like I was a pariah. It was like I was somebody everybody ran from, and for the first time in forever...I felt depression kick in. It was a real dark and oppressive cloud. To be in my head, to be Morgan Keaton right now, it was to be in the black, and nothing made it feel better, not yet, but these were early days. I only hoped that time would actually heal, because right now I felt fractured beyond belief.

***
Morning comes and I force myself out of bed. I didn't sleep much, tossing and turning all night. I put on my work outfit, sportswear and a snapback.

"Asher and Gage" I call, opening their bedroom door. They stir in their bunk beds "school... boys....come on. Let's get at it my loves... I will go get back to school pancakes on" I say grabbing each of their duvets and yanking them back. They moaned and groaned at the sudden chill.

"Mom" Asher moaned "stop"

I laugh a little "love you Ash... now get up I can't be late my first morning back"