Harper

Chapter Thirty Six: Teddy

I stare down at my cell and read the final message, my heart feels like it's about to leap from my chest and end it all.

H- Teddy I'm not coming with you. I'm going to stay here. I can't do this with you. I'm sorry. Please don't contact me again, this is too hard and I can't move on with you still in my life :( Good luck with it all. Please, if you ever loved me and Wren, stay away and let us move on, she won't understand if you come and go.

My worst fears, unlike most peoples, came true then, she took my offer of forever and gave it back. I wasn't enough, this life wasn't going to be enough, why did I think she would move Wren to Europe just to be a basketball wife, to sit and look pretty on the court, that's not what she was to me but who knows perhaps that's what she imagined our life would be, her sitting around all the time and waiting for me.

What I had imagined life with Harper and Wren to actually be, in Europe, was travel, fun, adventure, dipping ours and Wrens toes in the sand every day, making love under the stars, teaching Wren to walk, to talk, to speak bilingual. There were so many plans, only seconds ago, so many exciting moments to come, and then, one ping, my phone delivered to me the final curtain and the tower we had built and sat on top of, it crashed down to the floor and buried me. With that, the stress, and grief, all that I had held at bay for my family too, it hit me square in the chest. I had just hit my breaking point and mentally, I was cooked.

The plane ride to Turkey took 18 hours, stopping in both Seattle and Amsterdam and finally landing in Istanbul. When I finally arrived, my tears had run dry, but my emotions shut off, my eyes darkened and something broke inside of me, something that should never break, my essence, me, it kind of sunk down like a pebble in a dark lake, out of sight and far, far out of reach.

My first call was to Calliope. Baba is stable, eyes opening again, they are withdrawing the oxygen slowly but he is more responsive than he has been. Thea and Demitra are running the restaurant with Momma and their husbands, and the family is pulling together as best they can. Willa and Allie have both been staying and helping before their Anderson summer vacation.

I call Willa next "Hi kid you made it okay" she asks.

I nod automatically as I watch the cabs go by outside the airport. I am awaiting mine to take me to the apartments I will now call home for at least six months.

"I did" I say coughing a little as my voice cracks slightly "thanks for helping out in Oregon" I say.

"Of course where else would I be..." she asks lovingly "Teddy I'm worried about you... will you be okay out there alone"

I can hear it in her voice, the worry. "Yes I will be fine... its just something I have to do and I'll do it" i state. "For the family"

"I know you will because I know you kid, your all about being the one to save the group but Teddy sometimes you need to think about you too. I worry you're not dealing with this, you're holding it all in and that's not healthy"

I sit down and place my head down between my legs and take a deep breath "Willa I just cried for eighteen hours straight... I've literally got nothing left in me"

"Oh Ted" Willa says and she sounds emotional "I know you will miss Harper too... it's not going to be easy but you will make it"

I pinch the bridge of my nose and inhale. "We aren't together anymore Willa... it's done" I confess for the first time.

Willa is stunned "when did this happen" she asks.

I let the bridge of my nose go "yesterday... and I would be really glad if we didn't mention Harper... not again... not ever again please"

Willa goes silent "Teddy" she says as if she doesn't agree.

I interrupt "will you do something for me though Willa... please" I ask.

"Anything Ted you know that" she says.

"When you have Wren, when Harper goes back to work... will you call me so I can speak to her...? Please" I beg.

She is taken aback "Teddy, Harper would be happy for you to call her, of course... it doesn't have to be hush hush"

"Willa, just call when she's not there. I can't lose Wren in my life, and she won't understand if I just disappear. Harper can say she doesn't want me in and out of her life but I will never be out, never"

Willa can sense my seriousness. "Okay I will call whenever I can with Wren..."

"On FaceTime" I add "she loves to see the face of the person calling and I don't want her to forget my face"

"Okay...I love you so much" she says affectionately like she needs me to know it.

"I love you too Willa..." and I click off the phone and search through settings to block Harpers number so I'm out of her orbit. I didn't want to see that number call, or text... not again. If she needed me for anything urgent, Willa could call me.

***
The apartments are actually pretty spacious and where we are playing and living is right near the beach. Istanbul is beautiful but all I see when I look around is what I could have been doing here with Wren and Harper. I pray that those thoughts subside soon with my emotions because I would rather be an empty vessel that did whatever the fuck she wanted then have to suffer one more second thinking about Harper and how she had smashed my heart into pieces.

***

I am putting clothes away when the door knocks and I looks up suspiciously, who could possibly want to see me, nobody knows where I even am.

I walk across the main living area to the beautifully carved door and pull it open "Avery" I say surprised and she leaps forward and wraps her arms around me "what the hell are you doing here" I ask.

She smiles as she releases me slowly by the arms. "I signed up for Turkey months ago... way before you did. You should have seen my face when your name appeared on our roster yesterday. I've literally been waiting on you to turn up" she says excitedly "Ive been here a week so I'm getting the lay of the land, do you want to go out for a drink and celebrate" she asks eagerly.

I'm about to say, no, that I don't drink anymore, before I remembered I stopped for Harper, because she was allergic to it. "Yes... yes I do" I say with a large smile.

She looks back to me a little affectionately "good" she says softly "let's go" she says taking my hand and pulling me out of the apartment.

***

Months would fly by before I heard that name again "Harper" and by then I had become pretty unrecognisable, heartbreak will do that to you, life on the flip side.