Harper

Chapter Eight: First kicks

I peek into Harpers room, she is lying on her side, her alarm buzzing and bleeping beside her but not a flicker of her waking. I smile and admire her, my baby, all grown up, her hand tucked under her cheek like she slept when she was herself a baby. I walk over and sit beside her, my hand running through her auburn hair, her eyelashes flutter and her hazel eyes slowly register me sat beside her "mama" she groans with annoyance.

"Your alarm has been angrily screeching for ten minutes my darling daughter, have you lost your hearing"

She rolls over, her leg flung over the outside of the sheet and her vest creeping up her torso, the slight swell of a bump finally appearing below her small waist. I smile, she looks exactly like I did at the same point in my pregnancy, next month she would not recognise herself.

"Harper" I poke "it's time for breakfast... I will see you down there" I say leaving her to stir.

***

"Babe why are you in such a funk" Jay asks running his hand up my naked back as I sit on the edge of the bed. I gulp, his hands run around my waist, cupping my breast, squeezing and leaning in to kiss my shoulder "come back to bed" he says softly, his large lips leaving a trail of kisses up my neck.

I close my eyes and try and let myself loose, to leave the nagging feeling behind but the moment my eyes close I can't help but see her, Harper with someone else and I jump up. Jays hand falls away "babe what is it" he asks again.

I pull on a t shirt "I just don't feel like a morning quickie... let's go down for breakfast" I ask trying desperately to get out of this room.

I can't be fucking Jay when my mind is whirling with Harper and a pharmacy technician. Why did I keep coming back to this.Harper had been with other people before and I hadn't cared?! Wait... had she?! Shit she hadn't, this was my first taste of it. Someone liked her, perhaps was with her now and looking at her like I do, seeing the beauty of her and deciding to pursue her, and perhaps she would like him too. Demi was right though I should leave her be. I was most definitely not the one for her. I had a hard time committing to a pot plant let alone a human being, and a human being with a baby no less. I should stop this now and just try and push it down.

I'm sure it would settle eventually, the way I looked at her, the way she curled around my heart and squeezed it every time she was close, why did her smile make me warm? Her lips make me weak? Her flesh make me flush? Her laugh make me joyful? Why did it feel like Harper was much more to me than a friend, and yet had never been before.

That damned kiss.

If I was the person she deserved I would be so curious to discover the answers to my questions, but she was sweet, pure, kind, loving and loyal. She desired someone similar, someone who could offer her stability, and that was not me.

I was as she described me herself, impulsive, driven, intense, and living in a whirlwind. I had dates for weeks but never entertained a relationship beyond a month. Jay was currently living on borrowed time, although I genuinely liked him. I was not the settling down type of girl. I was far too busy to fall in love, perhaps a little scared too, my high school counsellor may even tell you I ran from it a little, never let a person settle there inside of me, cut them loose when they got too close and she was probably right. The counsellor was wrong on one thing though, I hadn't, never, let a person settle there, because Harper was settled there right now, with her feet up and using my heart as a foot stool. She had well and truly moved in, it was so slow I didn't even notice her sneak in there, not until recently and now I couldn't get her out. Harper Jameson had changed the locks, and not even a legal serve of papers forcing her to leave would do the job, she was illegally squatting in my heart.