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Lmao, in a few chapters y'all may or may not be pissed at me. When that time comes, I'll explain why I did whatever it is that I did. Then again, I have no idea if you'll be mad at me or love me for it. And I dunno if it'll even end up happening anyway.

Btw, "a few chapters" might mean 5 chapters or even 10 chapters. I don't plan my books out as a good writer should. I just daydream about different ways a book can go and choose whatever I feel like writing. This book already has dozens of endings in my mind.

Also, I never thought it'd be so hard to make at least somewhat realistic potential love interests with their own flaws- unlike the love at first sight prince type or the flawless stoic ones in many stories. So far I can't really imagine any character clicking with Randall, but who knows? Again, I never plan things out and this story has had so many different routes in my mind.

The peace was short-lived. With the lack of problems keeping me busy and stressed, I've now come face to face with an identity crisis.

If I was being honest, life as it was bored me- minus the annoying problems that tended to appear. The only things I did besides schoolwork were reading, talking with Elliot, writing, and sometimes talking to other people. Sounds boring, no?

If I passed all my classes, I could graduate this year. The problem is, what do I do after that? Since I have no intention of becoming Duke, Tabius will work with father and inherit the Duke position. And I'm not sure what I want to do. I'm torn between numerous ideas and can't decide which one is best for me.

It's ironic how I believed I was the one best prepared for adult life when in reality I'm the one with no plan for the future. Ezekiel, Tabius, Christopher, Zachary, Prince Harvard, and Jackie were inheritors of their fathers. Even Elliot has begun a career as an author- under a pen name, of course.

Then there's me- no inheritance and no clear aspiration. Lovely. There's no way in hell I'm living off of father, so I need to figure out what I'm going to do soon. Being an author sounds fun, but my writing skills aren't good enough and income would be spotty. I'd be good as a knight, but I don't desire a career like that.

The coffee beside me grew cold as I pondered. In the end, I wasted an entire hour for nothing. If anyone told me "it's not hard to choose a career, just choose what you like." or anything similar I'd smack the shit out of them. I don't care what others say, choosing your future is one of the hardest decisions a person will go through.

"Adulting is hard," I frowned at the cold coffee, "wish I knew exactly what I want to do like some people." Five years ago, I didn't have to worry about this stuff and I felt... fulfilled? Back then, I was content and accomplished stuff like befriending people, learning new skills, etc. Now I'm always slumped in a chair or bitching about people and my problems.

Wait, isn't this like a midlife crisis? Here I am, reminiscing, questioning my worth, and I've been in a permanent state of fatigue from my nonexistent sleep schedule. At this rate, my face will be lined with wrinkles before I'm thirty.

And on the topic of troubles, I received a letter from Hunter this morning. I knew another problem was coming my way, and it'd be bigger and more troublesome than the others. Hence why I haven't opened it yet. Ha, the messenger from the Poland manor got offended when I didn't open it right away. Anyway, I can't ignore it forever, but- knowing Hunter- it could be anything. I opened the letter, it was surprisingly short.

Randall Howell,

I implore you to come visit the Poland manor. There's something important I have to discuss with you. Please send a reply as soon as possible.

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