Ab"sin"the

wHy?

I'm angry because
It shouldn't have been like this
Deleted your number
So I could have peace of mind

But everyday reminds me of your existence
And my heart is breaking
Because I was always nothing to you
Was it all a lie?

You said it was all cruise
The day you said you wouldn't replace me
Was it a joke to you?
When you said you felt the same
And I shouldn't be scared of getting hurt
Were you merely playing a game?

I trusted you
A part of me hoped you wouldn't break me
But then you told me
That you have someone and for real this time
So I wasn't real
Nothing we had was real?

I know you weren't mine
But I'd like to think we had something
Even most couples didn't
But you proved to me
That I kept lying to myself

I tried to play it cool
Told you I wasn't hurt
But I was overthinking
Crying in the bathroom, and everywhere I could
Because I had lost something that wasn't even mine
I had lost someone that could've never been mine

Why didn't you tell me?
You kept me all those months
I feel like a puppet honestly
I was tired of being stuck
So I asked you to let me go
And then you said there was always someone else
But you refused to let me die or live
You kept bringing us back to life
When I wasn't what you needed

And then all I could think of was
So it wasn't true
All the ‘I love you's’
Everytime you said you wouldn't hurt me
When you told me to trust you
I trusted you, then you broke it
You said you wouldn't leave, but then you did

I tried to let you go
But still I was always in your dm, in your house
I tried to just be friends
But still my lips were always on yours
And I cried more times than I can remember

You told me about her
I forgave you
We were nothing
I wasn't entitled to anything
So it all ended
But I knew I couldn't be a platonic friend

We didn't talk for months
Probably because I didn't reach out to you
It was always like that
I kept thinking about how you were living your life
But still, I couldn't move on
Move on from what didn't even exist

I decided to get rid of all the memories
I've never loved anyone like I loved you
Never wanted something so bad, but couldn't get it
I settled for less and you hurt me more than anyone has

The day I deleted your number
After months of not speaking to each other
You called me, and I said something I shouldn't have
Something to make you never want to speak to me again
I asked who it was

Now I don't have your contact
And I can't reach out to you, even when I really want to
That was the idea, to let you be
To let me be, but still it hurts
I've made a fool of myself too many times
And we were toxic even as friends

Why didn't you tell me?
We would have ended whatever we had
I would've understood you found someone
I wouldn't have deleted your number
So many tears wouldn't have rolled down my cheek

But you kept it
Till I said I couldn't do us no more
Then you told me, and it broke me
Because you were keeping me for your selfish reasons
And I began to doubt everything you ever told me
And now we can't be friends
Because I'm hurt
And you remind me of the heartbreak of it all

So I leave everything behind
And I find happiness
I search for the peace of mind I need
You don't me, you never did
And I don't need you either, you always made me hurt anyways
And I know you're doing fine, like always

But now I see the world differently
I think I'm broken, but not completely
And every night when I'm alone, I wonder
Did you ever mean to break me?
Were you always this selfish, and was I too blind to see it?
Was I really just a game as you said
Or did you change?
And if I'm right
Why did you do me like that
When you know I was already breaking

But still I blame myself
Even if we weren't something
I'd like to think I should've been treated better
But I guess I was wrong

Why did you mean to kill me?
Make me bleed
Why?