𝙶𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝙶𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝙾𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜

32. Feel Better

Angst

Reader death

Human!Reader

TW// Cussing, small mention of alcohol

I don't wanna feel better.

Hunter glared at a picture of you and him. You were gone. How?

No one's ever gonna love me like that again, I don't wanna get over you

He threw the photograph at the ground. He was shaking, tears fell.

I wanna sit with you in bed..

There was a knock at the door. He opened it and saw Kikimora.

I don't wanna feel better.

"What do you want?" He asked. Kikimora narrowed her eyes. They drift to the broken photograph on the floor.

I'd give anything to miss you again//

He followed her eyes. "I got mad. Sorry." He muttered.

I don't wanna get over it, I wanna get under it instead

"I can see that." She said. "How are you feeling."

A book sits on top of clean and messy blankets on a bed that fuckin' creaks at night when I get in it late.

Late at night, I'm chugging Gatorade

And someone's breaking up when I crack up because I know I'll never know just what to say

"Golden Guard. I'm speaking to you. Are you still sad?"

I'm a communist, a terrorist, an MPDG thot

Or I'm a sad girl in a dorm room, living out the shady Christian plot of

Twilight or The Bible or The Lover by Duras

Or I'm just really fuckin' selfish and really fuckin' lost

He gripped the hair on his head. "But someone loved me, someone fucking loved me! Someone fucking loved me and I fuckin' loved them too!" He choked up. "Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something!"

I had my cake

I ate it, it ate me too and, God, no..

"You'll feel better, Hunter. They'll want you to."

I don't wanna feel better.

"But I don't want to get better."

Kikimora sighed. "Hunter, the Emperor said your 2 day break is over and wants you to go back to work."

"No." Hunter said.

Kikimora widened her eyes. "What?"

They stared at each other.

We kept our liquor in a suitcase underneath my bed

And we drank it to go out or just stay in or to feel sad

But in a hot way, a way I'll fuckin' never have again

The sun has began to set.

"I said no." He said. "I quit. I'm done."

"Golden Guard!"

I'm a socialist, Marxist, libertarian slut

I am an awkward teenage virgin and I sort of kinda laugh a lot in bed

But other times, I cry or don't make noise at all

I'd give my life to have a room that feels that small

"Why are you so sad! They were just a human!"

He grabbed her collar, angry. "Cause someone loved me, someone fucking loved me! Someone fucking loved me, I loved them too!" He dropped her harshly and she stared shocked. "Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' earned something! I have a right to die, a right to live, a right to choose, too!"

And God, no.

"JUST FIND A WAY TO FEEL BETTER, TITAN!"

"Of course I don't wanna feel better!" He laughed. "Can you fucking imagine?!"

She closed her mouth.

"No one's ever gonna love me like that again. I don't wanna get over it. I wanna rip the stars to shreds...I don't wanna feel better!"

"Okay. Okay. Just don't quit!"

"...Fine."

"Good." She sighed relieved. "Please clean that up, and meet me in town."

"Why?"

"We're getting ice cream."

"What?"

Of course it hurt, of course it fuckin' hurt

It hurt like nothing in the world sometimes

That I was super scared, and we were all a train-wreck

"What?" He widened his eyes.

And also somehow making it

I think I might've died there twice, and I would do it all again

"Don't read into it." She turned away.

"..Okay.."

I'm a nihilist, a soldier, an OCD-machine

Or I'm a healthy baby-girl who traded sunshine for disease

But when my head hit my cheap pillow, I could tell I had a heart

And I wanna tear this fascist Milky Way apart

He looked at the ground as Kikimora left. The photograph laid there.

'Cause someone loved me, someone fuckin' loved me..

All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew..

Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something!

And it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food...

He picked up the photograph and put it on his dresser.

I guess I loved you, I guess I really loved you...

All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew

And now you're over there, and I'm way over here

"What am I gonna do?" He swept up the broken glass. And froze.

"I have to go out Hunter, on a mission!" You said happily.

He gaped. "What? A mission?"

You nodded. "Yeah! Belos said I was finally ready for one!" You said. "It's my first one! I hope it goes well!"

He smiled and put his forehead to yours. "Well be safe, darling."

You smiled closing your eyes. "Of course. I'll be back by tonight!"

"I don't wanna feel better..."

Tears dripped to the ground.

No one's ever gonna love me like that again

I don't wanna get over you

I wanna sit with you in bed

I don't want to feel better.

"I don't wanna feel better..."