Chapter 91: A Faerie's Glamour

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Kessal's POV:The next few days are hard

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Kessal's POV:
The next few days are hard. We keep moving as much as we can but it still seems to take too long given the people we're looking for. The person I'm looking for who I can tell is in a lot of pain. Even with the tearing feeling in my back lessening after about half a week it still didn't convince me that she was ok because smaller pains still came through. Cuts and bruises. Being hurt and healed. Just like when the four of us had been tortured before.

"Are you ok Kess?" Livy seems to keep stuck by me as we travel, something that calms Alex enough that he doesn't force me to shift since if he did I'd end up in trouble as the Faery Folk didn't take kindly to wolves visiting their realm. Or most other creatures for that matter. "Kess? Is it about Kalli again?" Livy's tone is kind but that kindness just makes it worse since I can't stop myself from thinking that the closer we get to the Courts the closer we're also getting to the end of this game. The climax of the dance we'd been doing with Amber's side of the board. When I refuse to answer her Livy sighs but doesn't release my hand. "I can't make your talk Kess but keeping it in - whatever you're feeling - won't do you any good. I know that from the past."

That gets through to me but in the worst way possible since her kindness makes the walls I'd put between me and the feelings that Kalli is missing create crack just enough for me to have to fight the tears coming. "What do you want me to say Liv? I fucking miss her and it's driving me mad to not be there for her. I failed her." Livy sucks in a shocked breath but I ignore her since she's got me talking, finally, and now I start I find I can't stop. Not until I've said it all. "She was calling for me in that room and I just fucking stood there. I didn't move and I didn't help her. She was fucking calling for me but I was too much of a fucking coward to step in and save her. I - I failed her," Now the anger fades a little as the reality of my words hits home and I feel like crying. "I failed her as a mate. I failed as the remaining and active alpha of our pack to keep her safe. I failed as a friend when she needed me because I just stood there and didn't fucking help her when she was pleading with me. Fucking pleading Liv, for once in her life she was pleading for help and I fucking ignored her. I failed and she's gone. Gone so I can't feel her, I can't feel her wolf either meaning she's either too weak or Lana's gone entirely and Kalli's alone - something that makes my cowardice worse. All because I was too fucking weak and slow to help her when she needed me. I fucking failed the other half of my soul Liv, I fucking failed her and I have to live with that so no. No, I'm not ok but what do you want me to say other than I failed her and she's gone." The more I speak the more I'm tempted to break down completely but I know that if I do that this late in the game I might never manage to fix myself back together in time to do something to save Kalli and the others who had gone missing - assuming we hadn't left it too long and they could be saved. Yet another reason I was feeling so bitter. So lost.

Livy sighs but says nothing for a few seconds before she looks at me, but doesn't pull me to a stop. Thankfully. "Are you done with your rant yet or do I need to shut up again and let you carry on?" She sounds slightly annoyed and I can't figure out why until I look her in the eye and see how she watching me with an annoyed yet pleading expression I can't figure out. "Kessal? Are you done or-" I don't cut her off, no matter how much part of me wanted to. But yet she still refused to speak, making me frown at her change in tactic. At her wanting me to speak. "I guess you've finished then."

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