Bound by Blood (Bound by Desire #3)

Chapter 88: Trust Few and Lose a Lot

This time I don't realise I've spoken until he sighs again but doesn't respond with words, rather painting an image in my head of what could be when we've finished this. But the edges look shadowed and hazy as if he's not sure if the entirety of the picture will come to life. Something that has me wanting to look deeper into the image, the memory, before my old instinct of trusting people gets in the way and I find I can't intrude and look, even if part of me was curious.

"I'm not sure Kalls, all I know is that it'll never be the same." Eventually, replying to Kessal's tone is sad and I want to reassure him it's ok when he keeps speaking. "That's the legacy playing this game leaves everyone who participates, never mind if they're part of our small group. Because no one who plays is free of the pain of loss. Of having to trust a few and lose a lot along the way." He sounds like he's about to say more when Kessal stops talking, the action so sudden it's as if Alex had stopped him rather than Kessal stopping himself. "But I am sorry you had to be trapped like this. Both Alex and I are and if we could take you out of this and keep fighting to keep you out of it we would. Because your life means more to us. Yours and Lana's."

His words warm me but also show me something that I know is true of me too. "And if Lana and I could do the same for you and Alex we would Kess. Because no one deserves to go through what you did." Feeling like crying again so soon after managing to stop I push the emotion back and swallow it to stop risking tripping the moonstone power still left inside me that I can feel pushing restlessly at the rest of my magic. New development as the end of this little game dances closer. "We need to go, Kess, the others are ready and time's running out,"

I don't have to explain myself then since he knows what I mean. Something evident when I look up to see the heartbreak lodged in those aching amber eyes made me feel breathless and dizzy from a simple look. Amber eyes that once looked so happy, even with what had happened before we met, but now looked wary. Distant and worried. Worried now more than ever since we'd both lost control and almost clawed the other to death. Same with Dana and Braeden since the four of us were scarred deeper than the surface wounds would ever go. Scarred by memories that we can't silence with or without each other since the night terrors we'd all developed since playing this game blended into each other and made it impossible to sometimes figure out which one we were experiencing, they blurred together so badly.

"Ok," His whisper is as sad as his eyes, or maybe even sadder if that's possible since I wasn't sure what was happening to make him appear so distant. So afraid of what he would do. Because the instability of the moonstone power had made us wary of each other, worried we'd end up hurting one another again but this time without being able to be healed up. "Let's go before they leave and we're trapped." Kessal tries to go for a lighthearted tone but I can still see the sadness in his eyes. The pain trapped there.

When we leave I take his hand in mine, lacing our fingers together and feeling the reassuring mate sparks light up my arm and shoot along my nerves like fireworks. He also sighs and doesn't fight it, his grip tightening a fraction as if he's afraid of what I'd said I'd felt before. The terrifying fact is that even with almost half of us missing more may not walk out of this battle alive. And that had me wanting to just give up and cry, no matter how strong my parents had raised me to be. Because all people had a breaking point and my only worry was that I would reach mine and it all be over. But in the wrong way with us prisoners of Amber's sick torture regime.

Shifting with the other wolves before we go I can feel a tightening in the air behind me, Lana causing me to turn back and look to see if what I was looking at was true. Swirling about halfway up the wall in the far corner I can see a writing wrongness that has me wanting to move away, yet Lana's paralysed a low whine slipping out of both of us at the sight of something trying to reach through and grab us. Trying to make my wolf move I can see that Lana's still too freaked out by what's happened since she just lets out another whine and shakes, Kessal looking back at me with a confused look.