Never Bend

chapter 26: Spinning

I return to the bathroom in my robe, make sure his bedroom door is locked, and take off the robe. The worst part isn't the magic leaking out of me, it's the fact that I sometimes turn into a werewolf in my sleep. Half human, half wolf, neither Leah nor I can control it. It's dangerous to be around me. I am deadly and I am afraid. I step into the shower and turn the cold water on full blast. It's so cold I can't breathe for a moment.

I'm a monster. I'm not human. How can I return to my old life? I am a burden! How can he sleep beside me? I could easily slice him, but he stays. A shiver runs through me and my teeth chatter in a rhythmic sound.

Tom wanted me to give up my human facade, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Even if it's an illusion, I want to believe that I can change my fate and get my family back. I need to know that our love wasn't fake. My toes ache, and I stop the shower and lean my head against the tiles on the wall.

Even though I keep calling and asking for my brother and sister, I still haven't spoken to them. Mom won't let me. She always has a good excuse for not going to see them or for them not coming here, leaving me to drown in grief.  Sitting on the floor, I raise my hand above my head, ready to make it all go away, and open the cold knob on the main shower. A groan comes from my clenched jaw as the icy water hits my head.

Thanksgiving is over, I didn't get to see my family, but I wasn't alone. Tom was with me while everyone was with their loved ones. It's cold, but not enough as my mind won't stop bringing up my insecurities. I'm afraid Christmas will be the same. I wonder how I will cope. My teeth are chattering uncontrollably, but I'm holding myself together under the cold water.

Every time I hang up, the pain overwhelms me, so I call Phil and go into the woods. The training is satisfying in these moments. Finally, I turn the knob and bring the temperature up to normal.Tom sometimes takes care of these training sessions. He tries to get me to do spells in wolf form. Filled with emotion, my magic is stronger these days. The reality is that I rarely manage to bend magic to my will. The magic overwhelms me and scares me. I'm a slave to my emotions and afraid of myself. My skin burns from the change in temperature and my muscles relax.

I miss Lina, she hasn't trained me since Tom replaced her. He also taught me how to block my mind to avoid her interference because she's pretty good at it, so I had to avoid her for a while. Eventually she left the school and was sent on another mission. Finally, I wash because my skin is starting to wrinkle.

It's just me and Tom now, all the time. In a way I'm glad he's there for me, his presence makes my emotions more bearable than I'd like to admit. On the plus side, I'm working now. I didn't even wait for the interview, the secretary asked me for my documents and told me I didn't have to wait until after the interview. I wrap a towel around my hair and dry myself.

The knowledge I'd acquired in the libraries was a great help, and the feeling of gratitude and pride filled my days with happiness until I discovered that Lina was also working there.Once again dressed in my bathrobe, I went to the dressing room.

My curiosity piqued, I rummaged through the files and discovered that this was indeed a board-supervised agency. My job is to organize the files of members of the supernatural community, stacking them in sections.