Never Bend

Spinning

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Anxiety:
When you don't know what to expect,
When you have no control,
It takes a hold on you,
It prevents you from acting as you usually do.
Xoxo
MJ1
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Days go by, busy between my life as a human, my life as a magician and my life as a wolf, I struggle to find my balance between the them. How am I going to put back together the broken pieces of my life. As if it wasn't enough, sharing my mind with Leah isn't going well. I can't find peace, not even in my dreams which are filled with vivid memories interrupting my sleep. The magic holding them back is fading and with every dream I get back a new piece of my life and more power to tame. How much power do I actually possess? Tom asked me to keep pretences with Lina. I can't perform more than two abilities since it's the norm, but I have more. Tom is trying to help me figure the extent of my powers.

Unable to get back to sleep, I kick the covers off of me. It's too early to get ready for college. I pull up my protective dome, as a precaution, I can't wake Tom, he is sleep-deprived since he has been the one waking me up from my nightmares. A castle, shackles, people crying, that nightmare is the worst, but it's too irregular to make sense out of it. Tom believes that Davon took me where he held the villagers meant to be use for some experiments, but it's only assumptions yet.

Brushing my teeth harder than necessary, I scold myself when I spit blood into the sink. My wolf gene comes in handy to speed up the healing process from the many accidents I keep making. I'm such a mess.

Philippe and Tom know about Leah, but I have to hide my magic from Phil. Although I wish to avoid Phil and the constant stress, Tom wants me to train as much as possible and learn to live with Leah.

I wash my face with cold water, knowing that no medicine will help me through this. Groaning, I notice that my fingers are red. Winter is coming and the water is quite cold. Some days the soil Is iced. Turning off the water, I add soap to a rag and scrub my face as if I hadn't done it for a year. Then I rinse it.

At first, I didn't want to train at all, until Tom explained that the council could come and get me. They could even force me to get into a boot camp. Phil would be likely the one to give word should I fail to show control over my wolf.

Washing my face relentlessly, I groan as a red scratch appears under my eyelid. Then it strikes me, I'd already washed my face. Mumbling incoherent words, I finish rinsing off the soap for a second time and return to my room to brush my hair.

On the bright side, I know more about Leah and what she's capable of. For now, I can only entertain the foolish hope that the magic or the wolf will disappear, but I am loosing hope. Why can't I have a normal life and fit like evening else? Why did it had to be me?

Scratching my arm, a hiss comes out of my mouth when a fingernail breaks where it shouldn't. I have been scratching my skin for the past few weeks. Stress is getting me crazy.

I hd hope to get  proper control of my powers and be accepted back in the family, but that too is turning into dust. I am falling apart, I am in a kite in the middle of nowhere and its falling.  My shoulders drop, quickly tapping on my chest, my breathing gets back to normal.

I walk to the closet and undress.

Today, I woke up crying again in the middle of the night. Tom woke me up as he was casting a spell covering my magic. I freaking made magic while sleeping again. Tonight it was a gentle magic, but when my dreams are messy so is the magic and Tom ends with his hand full.