LOST II

Chapter 58: "What He Didn't Have"

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First draft: August 2018

"Are you okay?" Zayn asked, watching her fidget with her fingers.

"Of course, I am." Salma forced a smile.

Salma's shivering had let up. Her body had warmed back to normal and the two had had their sandwiches, over which Zayn first apologized for dropping her in the water, then the two laughed at how comedic her fall into the stream was, and then Salma renewed her vows to abandoned him or dump him in the forest stream, in her fantasy of revisiting the forest.

After packing the trash up, Zayn took his spot next to her again, wrapping her in his embrace. Although uncomfortable, Salma let him. It would not make sense to snuggle up to him one minute and then push him away the next. He would not understand. And Salma did not have the heart to hurt him. However, no matter how hard she tried, her toes kept curling up painfully and her arms and legs ached due to the tension in her muscles. She could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest against her back with every breath he took. Salma dug her teeth harder into the softer tissue of his lower lip. He was too close to her. They were basically making physical contact.

"No, I mean, are you uncomfortable with this?" Zayn asked, motioning with his arms that were wrapped around her frame.

Salma stopped fidgeting with her fingers, turning around to face him. Except, they were too close, and by the time she looked into his eyes, she saw his gaze fixed on her lips. Blushing furiously, Salma quickly turned away.

"No," she said hoarsely then cleared her throat. "Just unfamiliar, really."

She heard Zayn laugh quietly. A shiver raked up her spine with the rumble of his chest.

"How long does it take the unfamiliar to become familiar?" Zayn asked.

"I don't know. How long does it take to change a habit of the past twenty or so years?" Salma countered.

"Fair enough." Zayn smiled.

They settled into a peaceful silence, each following their own train of thoughts. He had asked her an hard question so Salma gathered her courage to ask something she had been worrying about.

"Does it frustrate you?" she asked quietly. "My reluctance?"

Zayn picked up her hand, placing it between his.

"Maybe, a little . . ." he replied honestly. "It concerns me more though. Makes me think if I'm going too fast for you, or overcrowding and putting too much pressure on you, but at the same time, I can't stop myself from at least trying, so it becomes a struggle."

Salma watched the pad of his thumb graze against her palm, making it tickle so much that with every stroke she struggled against pulling her hand away. Struggle, did he say? Salma laughed, abruptly closing her fingers over his thumb, trapping it.

Zayn turned to her, watching her reopen her fingers, staring at their hands with interest. She opened her mouth and turned to him, but then decided against it.

"What?" Zayn asked.

"Nothing," Salma replied.

Zayn rested his forehead against the side of her head, then started rocking them together slowly.

"Tell me," he said softly.

Salma hesitated.

"It's just weird to me that you're the same guy that I knew last year," she finally admitted.

Zayn stopping rocking her but he remained quiet. Salma tried glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, worried that she had said the wrong thing.

"I'm the same guy," Zayn barely whispered as he lifted his forehead from her hair and started playing with her fingers again. Zayn knew where she was coming from. He had been terribly dominating last year, showing little to no regard for her personal choice or space. "Last year started off bad, long before I met you and then I guess it just kept getting worse."