Memories of Tomorrow

38 - Oliver Taylor

She's been aloof the last few days. She's not answering my messages as well.

I decided to visit her at home. She let me in. Her expression's not good.

"Do we have a problem?" I asked, suddenly feeling dreadful.

She sighed before staring straight at me.

"Let's break up." Her words can't seem to penetrate my understanding.

"What's wrong?" I asked, standing opposite her where she sat on the bed.

"Where do you think we'll end up?" She asked back.

"I told you many times. Marry me." I can't understand why she suddenly wants to break up. We're supposed to be moving forward. She's supposed to accept my proposal. I thought that's where she's going with this.

"You know I can't, right?" She answered. Why the hell not?

"Why not?" I sighed. I've always known she's sensitive to our differences, especially when it comes to education and money.

"Come to my company. You'll earn better there. No one will ask for your background, I promise." I explained, even if I've already explained this before.

"You remember that parties you brought me to? Everyone in there asked. I'm sorry I don't have the background. I'm sorry I don't have the money. I'm sorry I don't even have memories. I'm just... I'm sorry." I always hate seeing her cry, even if she rarely does. All the time I've known her, she's always been tough with a soft heart. She only cries when it gets too much for her.

"You'll just end it. Just like this? After everything? Don't I matter? Shouldn't I be the only one that matters? Why do you care about them, when I don't? I love you for who you are, for who you've been with me. I don't care about your past, or what you have or don't have. You're the only one that matters."

"I just realized that dating is very different from marriage. I can take anything and everything when we were dating, but I don't think I can do that forever. Even I... I don't understand why you wouldn't want someone better. There's definitely someone better out there. Someone you can be proud of. Someone you can definitely show off. Someone your family and friends would approve. Someone that would help you in growing your company. Someone that would satisfy you in everything. Not someone like me." She stood up as well, trying to release the tension in her body.

"I'll support you. I'll protect you."

She smiled sadly at my promises.

"You can't." In a way, I know it's the truth. I can't always be there for her. What if she experiences it when I was away? Who would protect her? She's independent in her own way. She wouldn't want to tag along with me every time I have to go. She wouldn't want to stay at home. She would want to work. She would want to stay at Tracy's. Who knew how many people would scrutinize her if I marry her?

"Is this what you really want?" I asked. I'm glad she can still look at me.

"It's the best for you." I hate how she answered it in a way that makes me love her even more.

"And what's the best for you?" I asked. She can only shrug.

When I came home, Christan was visiting. I thought I would have time for myself, to think. I still want to convince her that we are for each other.

"Why are you here?" I directly asked, plopping down on the sofa. Just staring at the ceiling.

"Tough day at work?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Something worse." When I looked at him, I remembered Tanya. She wasn't from any wealthy family. She was an orphan. She did have a degree, though. But no respectable reputation. She did receive a lot of criticisms from so many people, even my parents.

"Why do you think Tanya left?" It was a sensitive topic to my brother, but I had to ask. As expected, he was guarded.

"Why do you ask?"

"Do you think it bothered her, the scrutiny of everyone who doesn't have anything good to say about her and her background?"

"She's used to it." Used to it, huh?

"Was she really? It must've done something to her psyche. Don't you think it might have contributed, in a way, on why she left?"

"What's this about?" He caught on. "Are things good with Lee?"

"She asked to break up. It would be hard for her if we marry, would that be right?"

We were silent for a while. He sat down opposite my seat.

"You should consider her point of view and her character. From what I've seen and heard, Lee may look tough but she's still very soft-hearted and honest. She can't even pretend she's not a waitress. She's tough in her own way, but... I don't think she's that tough to go through everything." I heard him, and I hate that it's the truth. I sat up straight and saw him contemplating. Maybe my words earlier compelled him to think as well about Tanya.

"Why can't we have chosen someone from a good background? Seven billion people in the world..." and I just have to fall in love with someone who has amnesia, working two jobs to make ends meet.

I still visit Tracy's but we no longer talk to each other. It's Aya who has been serving me. I think they might have switched sections so that Lee could avoid me.

My heart aches every time I see her. I want to go to her. I want to pull her close. I want to see her smile, hear her laugh and just stare into her eyes. I want to feel her lips and how her body yields into my embrace. Damn it.

I even had Charles disregard everything and help me think of ways I could to protect her if she becomes my wife. I hate how Charles shook his head. I can't control everyone around her. I can't hide her. I almost accepted that I really can't be with her.