The hardest part in all of this isn't the gunshot wound on my arm or my broken wrist, it's the memory of that moment. I felt like I've shot people before and I even felt like I've killed many of them. It felt real to me. What's worse is that I don't feel sorry about it. It felt like I shoot with the intent to kill. What exactly did I do? What do I do now?
I cried with Oliver, but it didn't relieve me of the guilt I'm feeling.
The following day I made my statement to the police and Oliver allowed me to simply rest. Even his own family's visit, he didn't allow for the time being. He was giving me time. He insisted on the psychologist, though. Though I really didn't like it. I refused to answer her questions. Oliver sent her home when he noticed my annoyance. I even vented it out on him, ignoring him for the rest of the day, glaring all the while.
The dilemma this time: should I tell him or not? I should. I know I should.
I tried hard to remember details, but I can't. I felt helpless. Just when I was starting to learn something new in this life, I get this type of memory. Is it meant to balance the good and the bad? I could almost laugh at my life.
"What is it?" He asked when his curiosity got the better of him. Why did I laugh? I sighed as I sit up on the bed. He sat next to me on the bed.
"I got this memory and I don't like it." I can't help sighing again.
"Don't tell me if you're uncomfortable." Always the considerate that he is.
"I should. I felt like I'm hiding, lying, if I don't tell you."
"Do it when you're comfortable." He still insists. He noticed my wringing hands and he reached out. I shook my head and folded my hands together instead.
"That... I felt like I've shot people before. Also..."
He waited patiently without saying anything.
"It felt like whenever I pull the trigger, I had the intention to kill." I can't help hiding my face. It was frustrating as it felt so real.
He gently tapped my shoulder, wrapping an arm around me in a hug.
"Did you feel that way this time?" His question made me cry. I don't. Of course, I don't.
It's bad enough that I felt that way before, I don't want to feel that bad.
I cried into his arms again and simply answered "No."
He didn't comment anymore and simply held me. His presence alone is comforting.
After drying my eyes, his peck on my lips shocked me a little.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"What can I say about it?" He pinched my chin after my response. It may have sounded so done and helpless, pretty much what exactly I'm feeling.
"Regardless of what happened in the past, good or bad, I'll only see you for who you are since we met."
Overall, it still took a while before that feeling gets forgotten. Or mainly ignored.
YOU ARE READING
Memories of Tomorrow
言情Lee's not looking for anything extraordinary in her life. She likes the simplicity of her days at work and at home. A few friends, a tiny room, earning enough to house herself and keep her fed. Things changed when she met Oliver. A man who shows her...
