Pretend (Harry Styles) - Book 3

Chapter 46: A Life Changing Diagnosis

The thought of Ava delivering a lifeless tiny baby made me start wheezing. A full blown panic attack quickly followed.

I was shoved behind a curtain so Ava couldn't see me. I tried to fight them over it, but I could barely stand. I needed to see her.

But she didn't need to see me. Not like that.

My mum managed to calm me down. She was silently crying the entire time she rubbed my back and whispered to me over and over again Telling me everything would be alright. When I knew it very it wouldn't.

While the doctor performed the procedure on Ava, Gem showed up with red eyes and an armful of clothes.

I hadn't even realized I was still half naked and barefoot. I tugged my clothes on as fast as possible, wanting to be back at Ava's side.

She hasn't let go of my hand since.

"I'm so sorry Harry."

"What?" I flinch at Ava's quiet words, hoping to god I heard her wrong.

"I'm so sorry. I just..."

"No." I shake my head as I sit on the edge of the bed and pull her into my arms. "Won't be hearing that. You've nothing to be sorry for Av. Nothing. You hear me?"

She nods against my chest, gripping onto the front of my shirt as the door opens.

I don't let go of her as the doctor approaches the bed and looks over her monitor.

"The contractions are slowing down." He states, breathing a sigh of relief along with us. "I expect them to stop completely within the next hour."

"And the baby will be okay?" Ava questions, trying to mask the fear in her voice.

"Yes, I think so. By that doesn't mean we're in the clear here."

"What do you mean?" I ask. "When she fell..."

"This wasn't caused from her fall." The doctor cuts me off. "It aggravated the situation, but didn't cause it."

"What else could it of been from?" Ava questions.

The doctor grabs Ava's chart from the end of the bed, looking over it.

"Hormones. Cortisol to be precise." He sets the chart down and looks up at us. "When your body experiences stress or danger, it sends out a burst of cortisol and other stress hormones. They send a blast of fuel to your muscles and make your heart pump faster. Usually these stress responses recede and your body goes back into balance. Your cortisol levels are extremely high. Far to high for someone who already has a high risk pregnancy."

"So the baby will be alright if we lower them?" I ask.

"There is a much better chance of survival if we get her body back into balance." The doctor replies before looking at Ava. "You have what is referred to as chronic stress. Being pregnant there isn't a safe option available to medicate you for it. The only way to keep your baby safe at this point is to remove yourself from any stressful situations."

"That's fairly impossible." Av says softly.

"Well you will have to make it possible." The doctor frowns. "I realize being who you are may make this difficult, but if this doesn't stop you will lose the baby. I can tell you that with complete certainty. If you continue to be this stressed, you'll go into labor and deliver your baby before it's able to survive outside of your womb."

"I just don't see how this all can stop. The stress I mean. It's just..." Ava's voice fades off as her eyes tear up.

"We were lucky this time." The doctor explains. "Very lucky. That won't happen a second time."

My mind is a mess as the doctor informs us Ava can go home later this afternoon. I feel hopeless. This is all my fault.

We almost lost our baby. Because of me.

I stand up when the doctor leaves the room, running my hand through my hair. I want to yell. I want to throw the fucking chair out the window. I want to beat the fucking shit out of the pap who ran into her car, the one who broke into our flat, and the one who pushed her down those bloody stairs.

Hell, I want to beat the shit out of myself. If I wasn't Harry Styles, she would of never been in any of those situations. She would of never gotten hurt.

"I know you're blaming yourself right now, but you need to stop. This isn't your fault."

"Don't..." I take a deep breath, trying to clear my head. "We both know it damn well is my fault so stop saying it isn't."

"Harry, I..."

"No." I cut her off while trying to keep myself from punching the wall. "Our baby almost died tonight Ava. Don't lie to try to make me feel better. I deserve to feel like a piece of shit right now. I can't... I don't know what I would of done if that had happened."

"It didn't."

"It still could." I remind her. "Me being who I am is putting our baby in danger. It's putting you in danger. I won't... I won't have it."

"Well what are we supposed to do? You can't just stop being Harry Styles."

"No." I agree with her as the answer to all our problems presents itself. "But you can stop being my wife."

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