First of all, I would like to say that whatever I am going to point out are just some general facts which should not be ignored and should be taken care of. So, for the title, even though it matched the storyline, I would say that it was not eye-catching or interesting enough to grab my attention. Therefore, I would suggest you choose some other name for your book or you can add any more words to this phrase for it to stand out. It is just too simple. So here I am with a few suggestions.
1- Fated To be Mine
2- Red Strings
3- Bounded Hearts
4- Strings of Love
Cover:1/10
Now comes the cover. Always remember that Cover is one of those important factors which catch the attention of readers. Besides the title, it plays an important role in making the readers leave other books and open yours. So yeah, your cover is just too simple. The creativity level is zero as it is just a picture of Taehyung. The placement of the text and its style is not catchy either. Not a subtitle or even the author's name is seen, it makes the cover look dull and boring. After that, you put that box-shaped picture of a girl's skirt at the top left corner which is not doing any good. So I will suggest you order a book cover for yourself.
Blurb: 1/10
After title and cover, Blurb or better say Description is the one which plays a pretty important role in grabbing the reader's attention. Your blurb is not attractive. It didn't make me click on the book after seeing or reading it. You have written those rankings at the top which should be written at the bottom. It doesn't give good vibes or make a good impression at all. After that, you write literally only 4-5 lines as a blurb which is not enough.
We wouldn't call it a perfect blurb. It is only a few lines that give us a glimpse of the story in such a way that makes it look cliché. I would suggest you add a few interesting dialogues or a paragraph that shows any interesting commotion of the characters. Hope to see the better version soon.
1st Impression: 1/5
It counts the impression after the title, cover and blurb. You must have noticed what I might have felt after I pointed out the mistakes above. So yes, it was not good. I didn't feel the pull and didn't want to open the book.
Plot:9/20
It's a pretty cliché plot. The execution of the plot is not any better. The scenes are so hurried and void of any explanation. Therefore, most of the scenes are impossible to enjoy as we don't know the depths of the scenes. The execution is bad. Each and every event is smudged and mingling with each other. Like in one scene they are in the office and in the next moment, they are at some other place. Short to discuss is that scenes are hurried.
And for the storyline, it is cliche. Just a simple storyline with most common forced arranged marriage au. The characters are also blurred. They are being cold and harsh then all of a sudden, in the very next moment, they are so soft and caring.
Overall, there are many mistakes. Such as plot execution, grammar, flow, character's explanations and development. Which would be discussed further below.
Flow: 6/10
At the beginning, such as the first chapter. The flow was not bad. It was pretty balanced. But as soon as I started the next chapter it was disturbed all over. The scenes were hurried and nothing was explained at the moment. On top of that, phrase mistakes, grammatical errors also affected the storyline and flow.
Grammar: 2/10
Your grammar is pretty bad and needs a lot of improvement. You have messed up the tense usage as well as the correct usage of prepositions. Punctuation marks are also missing which is affecting the reader's interest. For grammar, I usually split it into two parts. One is of course the tense usage and the second part contains punctuations, prepositions, phrasal usage and all.
Your story has many grammatical errors. Always remember that story is telling of an event which occurred in past. Therefore, the Past tense should be the only one used for it. But you have used present indefinite tense each and every time. But also has made many mistakes in using the correct helping verbs. Such as not using "s/es" in the right places. Check the below example:
"What's with her? She never replies" now, in this sentence you have grammatical error. There should be the addition of "es" at the end of the verb "Reply" after changing 'y' in 'I'. After that many preposition mistakes are also seen. Such as you have written "In her heel's voice" no. This phrase is wrong, you should say "on her heel's voice" after that you wrote "on one hand" no. This is wrong, this should be "In one hand". There are also many more scenes with the same errors and mistakes.
Such as "Tell him to don't do that". Here you have used the wrong phrase. Here you should not use "don't". Because you are not ordering here yourself but asking someone else to do that. Therefore, you should say "Tell him not to do that".
Hope you would be able to edit the mistakes.
Emotions: 3/10
The emotions and emotional development of the characters is one of those factors which either make the reader smile or cry the tears of agony. You need to work on the emotions part. The characters are not explained and there is no such length provided which can tell us clearly as to who he is thinking what or how are they feeling at all.
To improve on this factor, you should practice it yourself. Put yourself in the character's shoes and try to monologue or feel the emotions of what you might have felt. Try to think of ways to get out of that certain situation.
In this way, you can do better.
Character's development: 5/10
I haven't seen it much. The characters are not explained in detail. The details are missing for their behaviours and the reasoning behind their actions. However, the character's development is seen. Even though it is rushed and not viewed in detail, I still can see it throughout the story.
Reader's enjoyment: 2/5
All the factors mentioned above affect the storyline and reader's attention. For now, I don't think anyone would have enjoyed it as much as they should have. I hope you can edit the mistakes and do better.
Total: 38/100
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