Love affair | Chacha

I hate myself

                    ~Chapter 185~
I hate myself

Chases POV:
"do you know how horrible you make me feel" "you don't love me anymore do you..." "Another promise you couldn't keep" "We're done Chase"
Her words rang through my head.

We're over... it's over... I ruined it... I had everything and I can't make excuses for myself... nothing was in the way...
I took advantage of Charli, just like she used to take advantage of me. I took advantage of her love for me.

And now here we are... she thinks I don't love her. How? How could I not love her?? She's the love of my life?! And I made her think that?!

I'm such an idiot. I'm such a dumb idiot.

I didn't realize what I had been doing all these weeks... I didn't realize it affected her that much but when I think about it now, of course it affected her. It would affect me, it would affect anyone.

I left her alone? All day and night. I bailed on her. I lied to her. I kept secrets from her. I was distant from her, for god sake I forgot our anniversary?! and now I face the consequences. I hate myself. I hate myself so much and I deserve this, this pain. I deserve this and a thousand times worse.

I don't deserve love.
I had it and I lost it.

I sat with my head in my knees against her door as tears fell from my face
I could hear her sobbing from the other side of the door and all I wanted to do was go in and hug her. But she asked me to leave...

I looked at the card Charli made for me
The front side said "you make a perfect pear" with two pears holding hands
I opened the card and read it

"Dear Chase, I know you are very busy with everything and that's probably why you aren't here much... but I miss you and I'm happy to be spending this anniversary with you because I know this won't be our last. I am excited for our future and I really don't care what it is. As long as it's with you ❤️ I love you forever."

I'm guessing she wrote this weeks ago...

I can't. I can't do this. I can't just stay here. I need her to know that I love her. I need to fight for us.

Chase: "charli..."
I said from the other side of the door

She didn't respond

Chase: "I'm so sorry for how I treated you and I love you so much-"
Charli: "If you really loved me Chase... you would let me go..."

I put my hands on my face

Chase: "I can't..."

I can't do that... I can't just let her go...

Charli: "please"
She cried

Hearing her cry was heartbreaking but knowing she was only crying because of me proved her point. I have to let her go... she's cried too many tears over me and If I can't even forgive myself for what I've done... I don't expect her too.

I was so caught up in what I was doing I didn't take the time to think about her...

I slowly stood up. I looked at the door for a second hesitant to open it but I decided against it...

She deserves the world... and I clearly can't give that to her

I turned around and wiped the tears off my face
I walked the stairs the caught a glance of myself in the mirror.
My lips swollen, my eyes red.

I look horrible

II saw Fernando sitting on the couch

Fernando: "must have gone pretty bad up there huh?"

I nodded

Fernando: "You treated her bad"
Chase: "I know..."

I looked at the empty bottle of wine on the table

Chase: "who's is that"

Why am I asking a question I already know the answer to...

Fernando: "Charlis"
Chase: "Take care of her for me... the way I didn't... she can take care of herself for the most part just don't let her drink... I don't want her falling down that rabbit hole again..."

I hate myself for telling Fernando this but I refuse to be the reason she starts drinking again

Fernando: "that isn't your choice"
Chase: "I know it isn't but I just want her to be healthy, this will only make her addiction worse??"

He looked confused

Fernando: "addition?? She's an alcoholic??"

He didn't know that?

Fernando: "explains all the bottles in her cabinet"

Oh no. She's drinking uncontrollably again?? What have I done.

Chase: "just promise me you won't let her drink again?"

He nodded

Fernando: "I will try my best"

I wish she had some other friend I could ask...

Chase: "and one more thing... tell her I said goodbye... for good..."
I said on the verge of tears

She would be so much further in life without me... and even though my life has no purpose without her, I'm doing what's best for her.

Chase: "Tell her this is me letting her go..."
I quickly wiped my tears and walked to the door

I opened the door and walked out of the house.
I quickly got inside my car and weeped

My phone started ringing and I rolled my eyes

I picked up

Chase: "I'm- I'm busy right now"
I sniffled

I can't do this right now.. not after that... this is the reason I've been so distant from Charli... this is the reason She broke up with me

? - "she's asking for you"

I don't care! But I do...

Chase: "she's always asking for me?? I'm sorry but I'm so tired!"

? - "I'm just the messager, don't blame me"

Chase: "fine. I'm on my way"
I sniffed

I started driving away

I arrived at the hospital and I walked inside of the building. I got in the elevator and went up to the top floor, I walked over to the room and opened the door

Chase: "hey mom..."

A/n
Oop- Chases mom alive?? 😟😟
That's why he's been so busy 🤭🤭

This is the first time we've gotten
Chases POV in 14 chapters, that's 2 weeks lols

🤭🤭🤭 anyways stay tuned for next chapter

Chapters left - 14
Word count - 1037