Have No Fear

Months

It's now just over six more months until I'm finally allowed to go back home to Idaho, but in all honesty, the past three months have been really odd.

Something was very wrong around here. Carol has become more and more secretive lately.

She would disappear for hours on end when it wasn't even work related, but her heartbeat gave away that fact that she was lying to me about something.

The longer this went on, the stranger things got. I had the urge to protect and be near her all of the time, but that's not even the weirdest part.

She smells different now too, and it's becoming stronger day by day.

Out of curiosity, I've already checked and she's been making a lot of phone calls lately too, some to different states and to numbers I don't even recognise.

I also noticed that she never made any of these calls at times when I was near the house, like she didn't want me listening in on them.

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I've finally had enough of all these secrets, so today I've decided to follow her around now that she's told me that she would be working late today.

At around 2pm, I watch her from a distance as she leaves work early and catches a cab. I did find it strange that she had me drop her off at work this morning again, instead of taking her own truck.

Keeping my distance, I follow her in my car and watch her getting dropped off. I park my car nearby and walk inside the large building to go and find out where she's gone.

All around, there's that same familiar smell that I'd grown used to recently from Carol, so it's hard to catch her individual scent at first to find out which way she went.

Of course I manage to pick it up, thanks to the perfume she wears. I begin to walk the endless white corridors until I come to a small room, where I look through the glass panel and see her sitting there talking to another woman.

I walk in hesitantly, not knowing whether I should go inside when she looks up at the doorway. After seeing me standing there, she seems horrified to see me at first.

"Ren, what are you doing here?"

She also has this look of sadness and guilt on her face.

"When were you going to tell me?"

The nurse finishes hooking her up to the strange machine and leaves the room.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to, but I just didn't know how to yet".

It all made so much sense now.

"Having cancer isn't something people generally keep to themselves".

The smell of sickness was all around this hospital, and I had smelt it on her because she was obviously sick too.

"I just didn't want you to worry".

"Well now I am. You've been going through this all alone the entire time?"

"Yes".

"That's really fucking selfish of you".

She looks shocked when I tell her that.

"What?"

"You heard me, Carol. I could've been here for you, with you, helping you through all of this, but instead you denied me the opportunity to help you at all. It's bad enough that I couldn't help my parents and now you take this away from me?"

"I'm sorry".

I take a deep breath to calm down and sit down in the chair next to her.

"How bad is it?" I ask nervously.

"Not great, but the doctors are really optimistic that they've caught it early enough to treat it".

"That's good. Do you want a magazine or something? Water maybe?"

"Sure".

"I'll be back in a minute".

It was as if I'd just skipped hastily through the phases of denial and anger, then just quickly slid straight on through to acceptance. This was happening and I couldn't change it.

When I'm standing in front of the vending machine getting her a bottle of water, I suddenly become fully aware of how much I've come to love her and I can't help but cry.

It would be difficult not to love someone like her after spending two and a half years living with them. She had been my rock when I needed one the most.

She had somehow become as irreplaceable to me as my parents were.

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Weeks go by and she only grows weaker with the chemotherapy and all those medications that she's been on, to the point where she can't go to work.

I like looking after her and I've become her caregiver, even though she still tries to do as much for herself as she still can.

It sucks that I still have to go out on the full moon because I can't control the shift on that night, but I'll be staying close by.

"Go on" she laughs, running her fingers through my white fur.

I wish there was some way I could make her better.

Werewolves don't get sick like humans do, but unlike what legend would have many humans believe, you can't become a werewolf from being bitten by one.

Although I'm pretty sure that if it was possible, then she would've become one years ago so she could've stayed with Ambrose, and lived out that happily ever after she always wanted.

She's forbidden me to tell him about the cancer, even though I really think she should. I overheard her making a phone call just last week and talking to someone, but she insisted it wasn't him.

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"Ren, I need to talk to you" she tells me one morning when I'm busy making us both some breakfast.

"What's wrong?"

Every time she says something like that these days, I immediately go into panic mode.

"I need to go somewhere next week".

"What, where?"

"The doctor says I need surgery. I'll have to stay in a specialist hospital for at least two weeks".

"Okay, well that's fine. I'll be there with you".

"You can't be there with me. It's a specialist hospital out of state, so I'll need you to be here to look after the cabin".

"But..."

"No buts, Ren. You can be here alone, I trust you".

She's obviously noticed that I'd barely had any nightmares lately since finding out she's sick, like my focus had suddenly shifted elsewhere.

There could also be werewolf packs in this other state that wouldn't react well to having a lone wolf around, so I guess she's just protecting me.

"I'll call you every day, I promise" she reassures me, but that wasn't going to stop me from worrying about her.